Trouble is my middle name
by XxStephXx
Summary: What if Derek and Addison had a teenage daughter. They threw her out 3 years ago and haven't seen her since until she shows up at SGH. How will they react? Can they hold their fragile marriage together esp when their daughter befriends Dr Grey
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Ellie Rose Shepherd was trouble there was no doubt about that. Ever since she was 12 years old, she had caused her parents nothing but stress. They put her into rehab the first time when she was 13, when they had caught her with a line cocaine. She left rehab after 3 hours, they put her back in and she escaped again.

At 14 she started joyriding, her father had pull some strings to stop her getting a criminal record. Then she started on heroin and at her parents anniversary party she shot up in front of all the guests. They had tried to get her into rehab again, but she just slapped her mother and kicked her to the ground, she didn't care what they said or did anymore, she didn't care what she was doing to them. She just didn't care. Her parents threw her out soon after.

The only person that hadn't given up on her was her Aunt Susan, the only one of her father's sisters that didn't have children of her own. It wasn't until she nearly died while driving out her head on heroin, that she had shocked herself enough. That and her best friend Jamie had died in the crash. Aunt Susan had taken her to rehab and even stayed with her for the first week.

Now 2 years later Ellie Rose Shepherd, is clean and hasn't spoken to her parents in 2 and a half years. She had moved out of her aunts house and into a house share with friends from her new school. She modeled part time, helped out at a drugs clinic for young people while studying at school. She had finally got her life together, no thanks to Dr Addison and Dr Derek Shepherd.

"Aunt Susan, why am I in Seattle? We have hospitals in New York," said Ellie, she had been having seizures and they couldn't figure out what it was in the hospital in Long Island.

"This has the best reputation in the country for its Neuro department," said Susan, who knew full well that Derek and Addison were at Seattle Grace, and that they had just gotten back together. It was time they saw Ellie again.

"It's nothing, just epilepsy or something," said Ellie, she hated hospitals.

"It is not epilepsy they could have told you that in Long Island," said Susan, "Please for me, just let them run tests"

"Alright then," said Ellie.

------------------------------------------

"Dr. Shepherd," Susan shouted when she spotted Derek. Ellie was safely tucked away in a private room, an intern was due to take her for an MRI.

Derek looked up and his face broke into a huge grin at the sight of his youngest big sister.

"Susan?"

"Hi stranger," she smiled giving him a hug.

"Hi," he said pulling away, "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. Can't I just visit my baby brother?"

"Of course you can. But I have patients but if you wait in the cafeteria I just have one more to see, then we can…. I'll take you to dinner," said Derek, "Are you sure there isn't anything wrong?"

"I'm sure," laughed Susan, "I'll see you at the cafeteria"

"Okay it's….."

"I have been in enough hospitals to find a cafeteria in any one," said Susan.

"Dr Shepherd, we need a Neuro consult downstairs. The patient is a 17 year old girl that has been having seizures. Meredith just took her down for an MRI," said Izzie.

"Alright," said Derek, "Make it twenty minutes and I'll be with you sis"

"Okay," said Susan walking away.

--------------------------------------------

Ellie was just being brought out the MRI machine, when she saw 3 doctors looking at her films. She knew the dark haired one, she was positive it was him. She jumped off the machine, pulled on slippers, pushed Izzie aside and burst into the room with the doctors.

"Hell no," she said, she was right it was her father, he was just standing there holding one of her films.

"Ell…." He started.

Ellie grabbed the film out of his hand and tore it right down the middle.

"I don't care if I have a tumor the size of a football, you don't get to play the hero," she shouted throwing the pieces at him.

"What the hell are you doing?" said Bailey.

"I'm sorry how rude of me. Hi I'm Ellie, Dr Shepherd's dirty little secret," said Ellie, storming out.

"What the hell…."

"I have to go," snapped Derek.

------------------

Derek got up to the surgical floor, looking for Ellie when he saw her. She was surrounded by doctors and nurses. She was fitting again, and it didn't look good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Susan was sitting in the cafeteria, she would have to tell Derek that Ellie was here. Then she would have to tell Ellie, that she wasn't looking for to. Her parents had always been a sore point with her, they weren't there when she needed them the most. Her best friend had died, because of what she did, and then when she got clean they weren't there either. She couldn't forgive them for that.

"Susan," said Derek darkly.

She looked up and he was standing over her, she could tell by the look on his face, that he knew.

"Yeah"

"You better come, she's fitting again," was all he said before walking off.

-------------------------------

Derek walked into Ellie's room, she had stopped fitting. She was groggy, but conscious.

"Morphine….what did they…." She mumbled.

"You want morphine?" said Derek disgusted.

"Did they give me….." she said barely being able to hold her head up.

"She wants to know if they gave her morphine while she was fitting," said Susan coming into the room, and picking up her chart.

"Don't worry Sweetie, they didn't give you any painkillers just some stuff to stop the fitting," said Susan pushing the stray hairs out of Ellie's face.

"Good…..tell them they can't…. and…."

"Shhhhh don't worry about that, I'll tell them they can't give you that," said Susan trying to soothe her.

"….Dad," Ellie coughed weakly.

Hearing her calling him dad again, and that she was so weak pulled at Derek's heartstrings. She was still his little girl, no matter what she had done.

"I'm here, you shouldn't try to talk yet. The drugs should wear off soon," he said softly.

"Dad….Fuck off"

"Ellie…." Said Susan.

"…What? He doesn't care…. He never hearted bastard….Satan's whore," she mumbled barely coherent.

"Derek, I'm sorry…. She's sedated, she barely knows where she is," said Susan apologetically.

"It's fine. I better go and tell Addison, what's happening," said Derek.

-----------------------------------

"She is here, HERE!" said Addison, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. How could their daughter be in town and why did nobody bother to mention it to her.

"Calm down…."

"Calm down? Derek, Ellie is here in this hospital. Having seizures. How can you possibly expect me to calm down."

"Just don't get yourself worked up over it. It's painful and awful, but she is still the same old Ellie she was and she's still on that downward spiral," said Derek.

"How is she? How does she look? She must have grown up so much in the past 2 years," said Addison tearfully.

"She has, she looks a lot different, not as malnourished."

"Did you talk to her? What did she say?"

"She told me to fuck off," said Derek.

"Oh…. Well I didn't think she would welcome us with open arms," said Addison.

"Addie, stop getting yourself into a state…."

"Derek, she's our daughter, our little girl. The same little girl, that used to sit on your knee, that you used to tuck in at night, that….. she's Ellie. She is still our daughter"

"She may be our daughter but she is still a junkie," said Derek.

"She isn't," said Susan suddenly appearing in Addison's office.

"Is she alright? What's wrong with her?" asked Addison.

"She's sleeping, they are taking her for more scans when she wakes up," said Susan.

"Can I….Do you think she could….I want to see her," said Addison emotionally, she hadn't seen her in almost 3 years.

"Um….It might be best to leave her for now, I'll talk to her," said Susan.

"How is she? How has she been? My baby…." Said Addison tears spilling down her cheeks.

"She's great, she is doing really excellent," said Susan.

"Does that mean she is clean?" asked Derek.

"Yes, she's been drug and alcohol free for 2 years. She's on the honor roll at school, highest GPA in the class. She's signed to a top modeling agency, and volunteers down at the clinic, helping young people with drug problems. I'm so proud of her, and you two should be as well," said Susan.

"How? The last time we saw her, she was out of control we expected her to be dead within the year. She attacked Addison," said Derek.

"You knew she was with me, you could have just called and asked how she was doing. I left you messages," said Susan.

"We had been let down too many times," said Derek.

"Derek…please. Just tell us please Susan"

"It took a lot to pull her out of it. A few months after you threw her out, she and Jamie were out joyriding, out of their skulls on god knows what. Ellie was driving, she crashed. She nearly died, she was in a coma for 3 days. Jamie, he didn't make it…."

"Oh my god," gasped Addison.

"Yeah, it got worse, as soon as she came round from the coma I told her about Jamie but she couldn't take it in. She had to be put into a secure unit, she was desperate for another hit…." Said Susan, both Derek and Addison were emotional by now, "I…I knew it had to shock her if I had any chance of saving her. So I took her to the morgue and showed her Jamie, he was just lying there cold and dead, and she broke down"

"We should have been the ones to do that," said Derek trying to control his emotions.

"Yeah. Anyways she broke down, she begged me for help. I took her straight to the clinic from the hospital, and I stayed with her. I held her for the first two weeks all day and all night, as she shook from withdrawal symptoms and grief. She stayed there for 6 months, and she came out a different person and she has turned her life around," said Susan.

"Thank you for doing that for her," said Derek.

"She's family, I wasn't going to give up on her," said Susan.

"Like we did?"

"I'm not judging you Derek"

"We should have checked on her, kept in touch…something," said Addison.

"Don't waste your time feeling guilty, just try. She might think her life has never been better, but she needs her parents…. There is a hole in her life, where you two should be. That is why I brought her here, for you three to try and be a family again"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Where do you think you're going?" demanded Susan, she had just brought Derek and Addison to Ellie's room. She had had a good nights sleep and she had thought Ellie would have calmed down.

Ellie was standing with her back to the door, she had on a pair of jeans and a tight fitting leather jacket, she had her bag slung over her shoulder and a cell phone pressed to her ear.

"I'm going home," said Ellie.

Derek couldn't help but stare at her. She was completely different to how she had been 3 years ago. She was still slim, but not emaciated like she had been back then. She had obviously grown up and her body had developed well. She had Derek's black curly hair, which she wore long, reaching to the top of her ribs, she had his blue eyes too. The rest of her face was all Addison except she didn't have to strong jaw Addison did.

"Ellie…" started Susan.

"It's alright Aunt Susan. I called the airlines and switched our tickets, the plane leaves in 4 hours. I also called the top neurologist in New York and I have an appointment first thing tomorrow morning," said Ellie.

"But…."

"Look I don't want a family reunion," she said, "and neither do they, I am more trouble than I'm worth. I just want to get out of here"

"You should stay at least until we get your test results," said Derek.

"No. I'm sure someone can transfer them to New York," said Ellie firmly.

"Sweetie…." Started Addison

"Don't sweetie me," snapped Ellie.

"Ellie come on…. It's your health," said Susan.

"I am looking after my health, I can't deal with this right now. I made the appointment with the best doctor I could find. My therapist is in Long Island," said Ellie firmly.

"Are you positive about this?" asked Susan.

"Yes. Please sign the form, I'm begging you," she pleaded.

"Alright," sighed Susan.

"Susan are you insane?" said Derek.

"What? I can't force her to stay here," Susan protested.

"Yes you can. Don't sign the forms until we have the results back," said Derek.

"Don't! If you don't sign the forms I'll get out, I'll climb out the window, 17 floors up or not," threatened Ellie.

"She made an appointment for tomorrow. I'm not going to force her," said Susan, "Discharge her"

"Susan. No, we are her parents….." started Derek.

"She is my legal guardian," Ellie shot back.

-----------------------------------------

"You ready?" Susan asked Ellie had just been discharged.

"Yeah, and thanks for not making me stay," she said.

"That's alright, I shouldn't have brought you anyway. When you want to talk to your parents, it's your decision. I shouldn't have forced it on you," said Susan.

"You think I might relapse. That's why you're letting this go so easily," mused Ellie.

"You know me too well now," said Susan.

"You should say goodbye," Susan whispered to Ellie, they were leaving.

Ellie looked over, her father on one side of the open plan and her mother on the other.

"No," said Ellie simply.

"Alright," said Susan.

They were almost at the elevator when Ellie sighed and turned back.

"I'll be back in a minute," she said to Susan.

"Take your time"

Ellie walked up to Addison, who was sitting staring into space.

"Hi…" said Ellie uncertainly.

Addison looked up in surprise, "Hi…"

"We're um….just leaving. Thought I should come and say goodbye. I'm sorry for the trouble I caused coming here, I didn't know, Aunt Susan didn't tell me," said Ellie.

"It's fine, you are welcome back here anytime you want," said Addison.

"Thanks but I doubt I'll be back"

"Right," said Addison her eyes filling up.

"Don't cry," said Ellie.

"Sorry," said Addison standing up.

"I…um should go, the flight…." Mumbled Ellie.

"Alright, but here," said Addison handing Ellie a piece of paper with her phone and pager numbers, her email address, and postal box.

"Thanks"

"Get in touch whenever you want."

"Okay," said Ellie, "Bye"

Then Addison pulled her into a hug, and surprisingly Ellie let Addison hug her.

"I'm sorry for everything I did Mommy," she whispered.

"That is alright," said Addison tearfully pulling away and cupping Ellie's face in her hands, "You're beautiful and I want you to concentrate on being as happy as you can. And if and when you feel ready, you call me okay?"

"Okay," said Ellie, "Bye"

"Bye"

Derek had been watching all of this, just as Ellie turned to walk away from Addison he appeared in front of her.

"Ellie…." He started.

She just stared at him as if she loathed and despised him.

"Fuck off"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Susan!" called Derek, he thought they had just left, "What are you doing back here?"

"We never left, there were photographers waiting outside," said Susan.

"Where's Ellie?" he asked.

"With a Dr. Webber trying to contact her publicist," said Susan.

"She has a publicist?"

"Yeah, well she has been doing some high profile shoots hence the photographers outside," said Susan.

"Is she alright? Did the flashes trigger a seizure?" gasped Addison running up to Derek and Susan.

"No, she's alright," Susan reassured them.

"Where is she?" asked Addison.

"With the Chief on the phone to her publicist," said Derek, "She has a publicist"

"Why does she have a publicist?"

"She has been doing some high profile photo shoots, the media has started to take an interest." Said Susan.

"I'm going to see her," said Addison.

"Alright, me too," said Susan.

"I…um….I'm going to chase her labs…." Stuttered Derek, knowing Ellie didn't want to see him.

"Alright," said Addison sadly.

-------------------------------------------------------

"I've called security to remove the photographers," said the Chief

"It won't be that easy," said Ellie watching out of the window, "They hover around like vultures and you can't lose them"

"They'll be escorted off the premises…."

"And they'll wait across the street," Ellie finished.

"Ellie are you alright?" asked Addison coming into Richard's office with Susan.

"I'm fine, I just didn't expect it that's all," said Ellie.

"But the flashes they didn't set off a fit or anything," asked Addison.

"No I'm fine really," Ellie reassured her.

"I'll call a car company," said Susan.

"No it's alright, the agency are sending a helicopter to take us to the airport," said Ellie.

"You don't have to go, just stay here," said Addison, "Just stay until you get the all clear"

"I can't mom. I don't want to either," sighed Ellie.

"Dr. Webber…" said Meredith coming into the office.

"Yes. Can this wait?" he asked.

"I um…have Miss…Shepherd's results," said Meredith uncomfortably.

"What do they say? What's wrong with me? I swear if this is a tumor and I end up bald…." Said Ellie.

"At least you'll be alive," snapped Addison.

"Oh right," said Ellie sheepishly, "Sorry that was a little tacky."

"Sorry, you were saying Dr. Grey," said Addison with a definite edge.

"Oh right," said Meredith, "It's not a tumor, her brain is fine…."

"That's debatable…."

"Quiet," snapped Susan.

"Alright, it's a small hole in her left ventricle…."

"My heart?" interrupted Ellie.

"Close, the tube leading to your heart….sort of," said Meredith, "anyway there is a small hole, which means that there isn't sufficient blood getting to the brain and that is causing the seizures."

"Is it serious?" asked Ellie.

"It's your heart, and yes it is serious," snapped Addison.

"Okay…..but it can be fixed right?" said Ellie.

"Yes it is very treatable," said Meredith, "You'll need an operation, where we take tissue from your body and use that to effectively plug the hole."

"And my brain?"

"You'll need another MRI to rule out any damage, but we appear to have caught it in time," said Meredith.

"She had an MRI earlier," said Susan.

"Um……" said Meredith uncomfortably.

"I need another one," sighed Ellie.

"Why?" asked Addison.

"I ripped up my films"

"I don't even want to know do I?" said Susan.

"Probably not," admitted Ellie.

"Alright, Meredith take her down for an MRI now, and page Dr Burke," ordered Addison.

"Mom…"

"No, no more Ellie. You are staying here," she said firmly.

"But…."

"No, Dr Burke is the best. I'm not having some random cardiologist operating on you. Now for once in your life, do as you are told."

"Ellie, I'm not signing anything to let you leave," said Susan.

"Fine," snapped Ellie storming from the room followed by Meredith.

"Okay I'll just take you back to your room," said Meredith.

"Great," muttered Ellie, "It's Dr Grey right?"

"Uh yeah," said Meredith, she was really uncomfortable being around Derek's daughter, that she had never even heard of.

"You're uncomfortable aren't you?"

"What? No of course not, you're a patient," said Meredith.

"I'm also the daughter of two of your bosses," Ellie pointed out.

"Uh yeah I guess"

"So this Dr. Burke is he good?"

"He's an excellent surgeon," Meredith reassured her.

"Hey Mer is it true that McDreamy has a daughter," said Izzie catching up to Meredith, not noticing Ellie.

"McDreamy? Seriously!" said Ellie turning to face Izzie, "You are talking about Dr Shepherd, neurosurgeon?"

"Uh….yeah," said Izzie realizing her error, "Sorry I…" then she caught sight of Derek approaching them.

"Ellie…." He started.

"McDreamy my McAss," she muttered storming away.

"Can that girl not have a conversation without storming away," muttered Meredith then she saw Derek looking at her, "Sorry"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"She's not responding," shouted Bailey

Ellie was having heart surgery, Burke had managed to plug the hole, but now he couldn't get her heart started again. He had tried shocking her heart, but nothing. Now he was massaging it, it was beating but not on it's own.

"Come on princess, don't you dare give up," Derek muttered, he was up in the gallery with Addison, Susan and the Chief , watching Ellie's surgery.

"No, no, no," said Addison tearfully, "She can't…..Richard they can't let her go…."

"She'll be alright," said Susan not taking her eyes off Ellie, "She's a fighter"

"But she has already been through so much, what if she can't take it," said Addison the tears flowing freely.

-----------------------------------------------

"It's been 6 minutes," said Bailey.

"We can't let her go right now," said Burke, looking up to the gallery, indicating to the Chief to take Derek and Addison away.

"She's only 17, we can't just let her die," said Meredith.

"We're doing everything we can….but if we can't get her heart to beat on it's own…" said Burke then he started massaging the heart more vigorously.

A few minutes later Burke looked up to the Gallery and saw it was empty. The Chief had taken them away, they didn't need to see their daughter die.

"Nothing," he said defeated taking his hand out of her chest, he looked up at the clock, "Time of Death 4:26."

"NO, you can't….we can't just," said Meredith, how could go and tell Derek that his only daughter was dead. They just couldn't do it.

"She's gone," sighed Bailey.

"But….." said Meredith then they heard it.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Before the nurse could turn off the heart monitor, Ellie's heart had started to beat on it's own.

"Well I'll be damned," said Bailey as Burke sprang into action and stabilized Ellie.

------------------------------------

"Oh god…..Is she…" started Addison when Bailey came into the visitors room, where they were waiting.

"We got her back. Dr. Grey is taking her down to recovery now," said Bailey.

"Oh thank god," cried Addison.

"Can we see her?" asked Derek.

"Yes, she'll be groggy and she won't have much idea what is going on around her, it's just the…." Said Bailey.

"Dr Bailey, we're surgeons, we know," said Addison anxious to see Ellie.

"Alright then, you can go and see her," said Bailey kindly.

"Thank you, Dr Bailey," said Derek sincerely.

"You're both welcome," she said.

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"Ellie, Ellie sweetheart can you hear me?" said Addison, she was sitting by her bedside holding her hand. Ellie had showed signs of stirring.

"Yeah…. I can," she said weakly.

"Are you in any pain?" asked Derek, who was leaning against the wall opposite.

"No….just a little….weak…"

"You shouldn't try to talk until you're ready," said Addison.

"We should leave her to rest, and come back later," said Susan.

"Okay," said Addison, "We'll be back in a few hours, if you need anything get one of the nurses to page us"

"….Okay"

"Okay, make sure you rest," said Susan.

"Daddy…." Said Ellie quietly.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"I'm sorry"

"It's alright, Ellie don't worry about anything"

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"What the hell do you mean she is missing?" roared Derek. Meredith had just told him that Ellie wasn't in her room and was nowhere on the hospital security cameras.

It had been 3 weeks since Ellie's surgery, she was due to be discharged in the next few days.

"Well…." Stuttered Meredith.

"Derek don't take it out on her. You know what Ellie is like, she can get past anyone, and it is not Dr. Grey's job to baby-sit her patients," said Susan.

"Why are so calm?" said Addison, "She's missing, gone. She shouldn't even be out of this hospital, she is recovering from serious surgery. So if you know anything, you have to tell us."

"She didn't tell me anything. But I have an idea where she would go….and if I'm right, she'll be back by tonight," said Susan calmly.

"Where is she?" growled Derek.

"She's gone home," said Susan, "I'll call Mark"

"Mark?"

"Why would call him? He hasn't seen her since….she left home," said Derek.

"That isn't exactly true," said Addison meekly.

"What do you mean?"

"I asked him to take care of her….I'm not as strong as you Derek, I couldn't just cut our daughter off. So I asked him to visit her, keep an eye on her and look out for her."

"And you didn't tell me?" said Derek dangerously.

"No, I knew you would react badly."

"That doesn't answer my question. Why would you call him?"

"He was there for her after the crash, and it was 3 years ago today. I bet she has gone to Jamie's grave, just like she did last year and the year before," said Susan.

"And you think she's called him?" asked Derek.

"Yes, he went with her every time, she went to visit him. Even the first time, the day she got out of rehab."

"And he never said a word," muttered Derek, he and Mark had been best friends 3 years ago, he could have told him.

"I asked him not to," said Addison, "I wanted him to look after her, but I didn't want to know anything, just that she was safe and well…..well as well as….you know"

"This just gets better and better," said Derek, he was furious with Addison, Mark, Susan and Ellie, in fact he was just furious. None of them had even said a word to him.

"Susan can you please call Mark, and ask him to put her on the next flight back, she needs to be here," said Addison.

"Alright," said Susan leaving the room.

"How could you Addie?" said Derek.

"I'm just gonna….go," said Meredith uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't leave her to fend for herself. She was 14, I couldn't leave her on the streets with nothing. I couldn't do it…."

"But him…."

"It was 3 years ago, he was our best friend. He had watched Ellie grow up, so he cared about her."

"Him"

"I slept with him 2 years after I asked him to look out for her"

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"Finally…." Whispered Addison. It was almost 8pm. She just saw the elevator doors open, and saw Mark with his arm around Ellie, "Page Dr. Shepherd 911," she said to the nurse, then she went over.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Looking at Ellie she knew she wasn't. She looked like she had been crying all day, she was still grieving and she couldn't handle the guilt.

"Yeah, I'm okay," said Ellie.

"Thank goodness," said Addison pulling her into a hug.

"And…." said Mark.

"And I'm sorry, I went off without telling anyone," she said.

"That's alright as long as you're safe," said Addison.

"She should go and checked over by Dr Burke, she had a fever spiked at 108 this afternoon," said Mark.

"Right of course," said Addison, "Page Dr Burke as well," she said to the nurse.

"I'm sorry I worried you," said Ellie, "really sorry, I just didn't think."

"That's alright don't worry about it, your Aunt Susan told us where you were."

"Oh…."

"You should get back to your room, I'll send Dr Burke along. He is so not happy with you," said Addison.

"Okay. I'm guessing you two want to talk about me," she said to Mark and Addison.

"Yes, now go to your room and I'll come by a little while after I've checked in with the chief and spoke to your mum," said Mark.

"The Chief?" asked Addison.

"Uncle Mark is scheduled to do a major surgery here next week, so he's sticking around for a few days," said Ellie, then she went off to her room.

"Look Addie, I didn't know she was coming until she called from the airport….I tried calling but you must have changed your cell phone number"

"Yeah I changed it when I left New York," said Addison.

"You mean when you left me"

"Same thing," said Addison, "So how is she really?"

"She's a mess right now, but she'll be okay in a few days," sighed Mark.

"A few days?"

"Yeah, every year on Jamie's birthday she goes to his grave…and she lets herself think about what happened and what she did. The rest of the year, she doesn't let herself think about it because she knows that if she does she'll break down. So that's why you'll probably find that she disappears every year and is quiet for a few days. She can't handle the guilt of knowing that she killed him," said Mark.

"Is there anything I can…."

"No, you just have to be there to comfort her when she needs it and the rest of the time just leave her be."

"But what if she relapses…."

"She won't, she'll never do that."

"You don't know that Mark."

"I do. Look not long after she got clean, she wanted to see Jamie's parents to apologise or something. So I took her, and they told her to stay clean, live a full life and help make sure other people don't end up like he did. They said that if she did that, then he wouldn't have died for nothing. They didn't blame her, they even said it could just have easily been her that had died, but that she got the chance to live life properly."

"So she…."

"She's doing her best to do as they asked. That is why I know she won't relapse….she killed their son, and all they asked for was that she make something of her life and she's going to do that because she thinks that…. I don't know exactly but….she'll be back to pain in the ass self soon enough"

"Thank you, for taking care of her today and for the past 3 years."

"I'd do anything you asked me to, and I love Ellie, she's the closest thing I'll ever have to a daughter."

"This looks cozy," said Derek coldly, "I got a page"

"Ellie is back, she's in her room. I was just thanking Mark for making sure she got back safely"

"I'll bet."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"How are you feeling, this morning?" Meredith asked, coming into Ellie's room. It was a week since she had gone to New York, and was back to her old self.

"Suffocated, resentful, bored and unstimulated," said Ellie, Mark was in the room with her.

"Isn't she a little ray of sunshine this morning?" Mark commented dryly.

"Don't you have to fit a new pair of boobs or something?" snapped Ellie.

"No I think I'll just stay right here and keep you company," said Mark.

"Seriously, you have been here all morning. Just go and talk to Mom. I can't stand you just sitting here all….thinking and giving me a migraine," said Ellie.

"Me thinking is giving you a migraine?"

"Yes"

"That is insane."

"Tampons"

"What?"

"Tampons, hormonal teenage I'm going," said Mark, getting up and making a swift exit.

"That is hilarious," laughed Ellie, "I knew that would freak him out."

"He was only being nice," said Meredith.

"I know, he knows I was only messing with him," said Ellie.

"Alright. How are you feeling?"

"Physically fine. Mentally, I think I've gone insane," said Ellie.

"Have you had a fever, nausea, headaches?"

"No"

"Well then it looks like the antibiotics are working, you're fighting that infection well," said Meredith.

"So when can I get out of here?"

"If you keep going like this, you should be able to go home in a few days," said Meredith.

"Thank God."

"We just have to run another blood test, just to make sure that the infection isn't spreading."

"Okay."

"Look I know this is probably none of my business, but you haven't spoken to your father since….since your surgery," said Meredith.

"I haven't seen him," shrugged Ellie.

"That is a cop out. He is in your room every night, and he works in this hospital every day…"

"When was he in my room?"

"Every night, when you're asleep. He was the one that diagnosed your infection, and prescribed the antibiotics," said Meredith.

"Oh I didn't know that."

"You should talk to him, no matter what has gone on he is still your father."

"It's not as simple as that," said Ellie, "Do you get along with your dad?"

"My dad is non existent," said Meredith, "He walked out when I was 5."

"Oh that's awful, have you seen him since?"

"Uh yeah once, it didn't go well," said Meredith, "Anyway this is not about me"

"Oh right. You just don't understand the relationship I've had with him," sighed Ellie.

"Tell me then"

"Why do you even care?"

"Because he gets pissy when he's not happy, and I'm scrubbing in with him later on today," said Meredith.

"Well when I was a kid we were close, I was a real Daddy's girl. But then he started spending more and more time at work, so did Mom. I felt ignored, always just having the nanny around, I guess you would know that too, having Ellis Grey as mother must have been hard too…."

"How did you…."

"Uncle Mark has a big mouth, he also told me you were the intern……um keeping my dad company," said Ellie.

"Oh…."

"Don't worry about it, I don't care about their love lives because….well it creeps me out," said Ellie.

"Okay."

"Anyway I started getting into trouble, and when it started to get me some attention I got worse. Then I started to get really out of control as I'm sure you've heard, the two doctors kid that turned into a junkie at 14. Anyway it got to the stage where he hated me, and told me so. One day I pushed him too far, I kicked mom to the ground to get out of the house. He threw me out, threw me down the stairs onto the street, told me I was no daughter of his, I was junkie trash and to never come within 500 feet of them ever again," said Ellie the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry that is awful," said Meredith, it was awkward should she put her arm around Ellie and comfort her. So she settled for patting her head.

"Seriously the head patting is not cool," said Ellie. "So now you know, and I know I probably deserved everything I got but it still hurts you know…."

"I know, but still don't you think you should talk to him. It wouldn't be like it was when you were a kid, but….you both have a second chance," said Meredith.

"Maybe I should….."

"You should."

"Alright," said Ellie, "but I can't promise anything"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Derek was standing looking out the window watching the ferries, when Ellie found him. She had been hoping he was in surgery, she had no idea what to say to him anymore. She knew she should talk to him, but it wasn't that easy, she had spent so long hating him, for giving up on her, for abandoning, for not being there when she got help.

"Seattle has ferry boats," she said leaning against the glass panel next to him.

"Are you supposed to be out of bed?"

"Yes," she sighed, he didn't make it easy.

"Sorry, habit," he said. Ellie was finally trying to talk to him, and he goes all doctor on her.

"New York doesn't have ferry boats."

"Seattle is surrounded by water on 3 sides."

"I like ferry boats."

"I remember. You were so excited the first time you got on the Staton Island ferry," smiled Derek.

"That was different, it's not a ferry more like a floating subway," said Ellie.

"Your Mom said you were thinking about staying here for a while."

"Yeah I'm thinking about it. I applied to SU (Seattle University), so I guess I could hang out here till I get the letter. Maybe check out the campus," said Ellie.

"Where else did you apply?"

"Anderson, Chicago, NYU, Florida and Northwestern," said Ellie.

"Nice choices, little spread out though," Derek commented.

"I didn't know where I wanted to go, so I picked schools from all over," said Ellie.

"Ah I guess it was a good thing you showed up when you did and few months later and you could have been anywhere," said Derek.

"Yeah, a hole in my heart. That's just dandy."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know. Sorry."

"What are going to study? Medicine?"

"No I don't want to be a doctor, and with my past I doubt I could be anyway."

"What are you doing then?"

"Social work and psychology."

"That's good," said Derek.

"Yeah……"

"You should be getting discharged in the next few days."

"I know, Dr Grey told me."

"If you….where…."

"With Uncle Mark at the hotel"

"Oh…"

"He is your oldest friend, shouldn't you at least talk to him…."

"Ellie, you don't understand….."

"I understand fine. You see I've learned a few things since I arrived. I know Mom slept with Mark, and you were with Dr Grey. But if you can forgive Mom why not him?"

"I haven't…" he admitted.

"You haven't what?"

"Forgiven her. I'm trying, we're trying…."

"But then why are you together if you haven't forgiven her?"

"She is my wife."

"That wasn't what I asked."

"You're too young to understand."

"Too young? Right, that's what you always say when you don't have the answer," said Ellie.

"Ellie…."

"No I remember. Why do people die? You're too young to understand. Where do Babies come from? You're too young to understand that. Why do people take drugs? You're too young to understand." Shouted Ellie, "Well guess what I'm not too young to understand now."

"Keep your voice down," said Derek who was aware that they were being watched by half the surgical staff.

"I guess that is another thing that doesn't change, I'm still an embarrassment. I was right this was a mistake," said Ellie turning and walking away. back…I didn't….."

But she kept walking away.

------------------------------------------------

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe the state of their marriage is none of your business, and that is why he didn't spill his guts to you," said Mark, Ellie had told him what happened between her and Derek.

"I was just asking the questions he should be asking himself," said Ellie.

"It's not your place to ask them. Let them figure it out for themselves," said Mark.

"But…."

"Look I know, everyone knows they shouldn't be together. But it's up to them to realise or to fix it, not me and not you."

"They are both unhappy…."

"Not your fault."

"I can't just sit back and watch this…."

"Why not? They sat back and watched you destroy yourself just return the favour."

"So you're alright, just watching your best friend and…..Mom hurt each other."

"No I'm not alright with it but what can I do?"

"I don't know."

"They are adults so unless they ask for help, keep your nose out."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Sorry I shouted at you," mumbled Ellie, at Derek when she found him after his surgery.

"It's fine," said Derek.

"I mean it, I shouldn't have shouted and made a scene," said Ellie sincerely.

"I said it's fine and I'm sorry if you think I'm treating you like a child," said Derek.

"It's fine, the state of your marriage is none of my business," said Ellie echoing Mark's earlier words.

"Your mom and I are fine, we're happy again," said Derek.

"I just don't think you are though…."

"You were right Ellie it is none of your business."

"Fine then I'll keep my mouth shut," said Ellie with a definite edge to her voice.

"Ellie," sighed Derek, why couldn't they have a conversation without fighting.

"I guess neither of us have changed that much really," she smiled. "We still can't get along."

"I guess," sighed Derek.

"Don't worry about it Dad, it would be dull if we agreed all the time."

"I guess," said Derek, "Wanna come and get something to eat I'm starving?"

"Only if you order out, I am so sick of hospital food."

"Alright," laughed Derek, "Tell you what I'll have a word with Dr Burke and see if I can take you to the Deli down the street."

"You mean I can actually get changed out of my sweats?"

"Yes. But half an hour only then you'll be back in your room."

"Okay, I'll go and change."

"I haven't spoken to Dr Burke yet," Derek pointed out.

"Oh please, I'm going down the street for half an hour with a neurosurgeon." Said Ellie then added, "Plus if he says no we can break out."

"We are not breaking out. Go and changed I'll be along in 10 minutes," said Derek.

"Okay, thanks Dad," said Ellie looking like she was thinking about hugging him.

"No problem sweetie," he said kissing her forehead.

---------------------------------------------------

"Mmmmmmmmm foooooddddd," Said Ellie happily as she devoured the huge club sandwich in front of her.

"You look like you haven't eaten in months…." laughed Derek as he watched her.

"Nothing but hospital food for a month. A MONTH," said Ellie.

"Don't eat with your mouth full."

"Don't talk to me when my mouth is full."

"You eat like Mark…"

"There is really no need for that."

"You've got chicken on your cheek."

"Oh oops where?"

"Thanks Dad I really needed to get out of the hospital," said Ellie just as they were leaving the Deli.

"No problem," said Derek.

"I swear food has never tasted so good," said Ellie, swinging the brown paper bag in her hand. "And I still have dessert."

"Well take your time eating it, you'll make yourself sick," said Derek.

"I know, I know."

-----------------------------------

"I saw you and Ellie earlier," said Meredith when she saw Derek later that night, watching ferry boats (what else).

"Yeah, we went to dinner. I actually had a civil conversation with my daughter for the first time in 6 years…." Said Derek.

"6 years I thought….."

"I couldn't talk to her properly for the last few years she was at home, nobody could not even Addison."

"Wow. I guess she wasn't kidding when she said she was a nightmare."

"When did she tell you that?"

"This afternoon, she needed to talk and I listened," said Meredith.

"Oh….thanks I guess, I have never been very good at listening to her."

"It's no problem, she's a great…. I guess kid isn't really the right word, but whatever you know what I mean."

"Yeah I do." Said Derek, "And she is, she's changed so much. I don't even recognize her as the daughter I disowned 3 years ago. It's like she's the little girl she was only grown up."

"Look I don't know what she was like back then, but she is great now….she's hurting and she wants to make up with you….you just have to be patient with her…I was a difficult teenager and my father….well you know…" mumbled Meredith, "I know it's none of my business."

"It's alright, I know. We're just so alike sometimes….but we're trying to rebuild the relationship we had when she was younger."

"Good."

"You're wondering why I never told you about Ellie?"

"Yeah I did"

"I just pushed it all to the back of my mind…."

"Like you did with Addison?"

"I deserve that. It was just too painful to think about her, she could have been dead for all I knew. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Ellie and Addison it was wrong of me."

"It's fine."

"I'm glad you and Ellie get along," said Derek.

"Like I said she's great, it's easy to get along with her."

"That's debatable, she's stubborn, thoughtless, pigheaded, got a smart mouth and she never knows what is for her own good."

"I know, she reminds me of you"

"I don't think I could quite pull off the sass that she does"

"Really? I think you could be very camp if you wanted to," said Meredith.

Derek just laughed.

-------------------------------------------

"See that is how he used to be with Mom. Happy," said Ellie to Mark from where they were both watching Derek and Meredith.

"Maybe he is just in a good mood," said Mark.

"No that is not it. There is something there, that isn't there with Mom anymore. I mean you said it yourself you think he loves Dr Grey."

"Think, Ellie, think not know"

"Well I think he loves her, I think she will make him happy. I can tell Mom isn't happy either, she knows he loves Dr Grey she just can't admit it to herself."

"Keep out of it Ellie."

"How can I keep out of it when my parents are making each other miserable?"

"You are the strangest kid in the world. What other kid would want their parents to get divorced?"

"Are you saying you wouldn't be happy if Mom was single?"

"No, you know I want that. But I want her to want me. I want her to be happy, because you want people you love to be happy even if it's not the way you want them to happy."

"How very profound of you."

"Right come on, it's time for you to get back to bed. You can't just roam around a hospital."

"Why not I spent most of my childhood doing that?"

"I thought you spent most of your childhood getting high"

"Bite me."

-------------

Be good readers now and review and you'll get an update tomorrow


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

"Hey you owe me a dollar," said Mark triumphantly as he entered Ellie's hospital room. He didn't realise that Bailey's interns were in there.

"No way," Ellie whined.

"We can, uh... talk about it later," said Mark.

"Why do you owe him a dollar?" asked Meredith.

"Our little game," said Ellie. "The Jackass just won this round. But I'm up for the next round."

"What game?" asked Christina.

"Sort of like truth or dare to the extreme," said Ellie. "I need some sort of adrenaline rush in this place."

"What did you do?" asked Alex.

"Screwed the married head of psych in OR 6," laughed Ellie.

"You're kidding," gasped Izzie. "That is awful."

"Did you do it with…" started Elle.

"Sheryl Crow 'If It Makes You Happy' playing in the background," said Mark smugly.

"How do I know you did it?" asked Ellie suspiciously.

"My ass print on the table…"

"Too much information."

"Wait a minute, you dared him to do…that…there?" asked Izzie incredulously.

"Yeah, I didn't think he could actually do it!" said Ellie furiously.

"And I got pictures…"

"Do not bring those out," shouted Ellie.

"So how long have you two been doing this?" asked George.

"All week. The whoopee cushion on the Chief's chair, the strap on in Dr. Burke's on call room…" said Ellie.

"That was you? Oh my god, he was furious…" laughed Meredith.

"I know," giggled Ellie.

"I want to play," said Alex. "This sounds like fun."

"Me too, I want in," said Christina.

"Sorry kids, you can't play," said Mark.

"Why not?"

"You need balls, a lot of them," said Mark.

"You couldn't handle the heat, you'd be too afraid of getting caught," said Ellie.

"No way. I can handle it," said Christina determinedly.

"Tell you what. The Attendings and the Chief are giving a talk to some pre-med students this afternoon down the conference room, make sure you're all there on time at the start. And we'll see if you still want to play." Challenged Ellie, looking at them as if daring them to refuse.

"You're seriously going to go through with it?" laughed Mark.

"You bet your ass I am, I'm not backing down. It'll be a piece of cake," said Ellie determinedly.

"We'll be there," said Alex.

----------------------------------------------------

"Do you see them anywhere?" Izzie whispered. The talk to the pre-med students was just about to start, but there was no sign of Ellie or Mark.

"Alright, if everyone could just take a seat we can get started," the Chief shouted.

The interns took a seat, all the while looking round for a sign of …anything.

"Welcome…" started the Chief but before he could continue, a squirt of water came from the back of hall and squirted the Chief's trousers to make it look like he had wet himself.

There was suddenly an uproar. Then water started to fly again, hitting Burke, Addison and the other Attendings at the same spot as the Chief. Derek, however was smarter and sat down, so he was shot with water on top as if he was lactating. Everyone stood up and looked at where the water was coming from and all the saw was a black blur sprinting from the room.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" roared the Chief. "WHO WAS THAT?"

"There are only two people I know could have made those shots, and one of them is standing here," said Derek.

"She wouldn't…" gasped Addison.

"She would," said Derek, angrily storming from the room.

----------------------------------------

Ellie sprinted from the lecture hall, ran down all the stairs until she was at the ground floor. She dashed to the visitor bathroom and changed her clothes quicker than she had ever done. She threw them all into the canvas bag she had put there earlier, she slung the bag over her shoulder and made her way to the gift shop.

It was only about two minutes after she arrived at the gift shop that Derek came storming down the stairs, with Addison and the Chief in tow.

"Eleanor Rosalind Montgomery Shepherd!" he roared.

"What Dad?" said Ellie, as she guiltily sprang away from the counter.

"You know damn well what!"

"I'm sorry."

"Ellie…" said Addison, exasperated.

"So you admit it?" said the Chief.

"Admit what? That I was flirting with the hot gift shop guy, yeah I was," said Ellie, causing the guy to cower behind the counter.

"What happened to you?" giggled Ellie, pretending to have just noticed the water spots.

"You mean you don't know?" asked Derek, less angrily now.

"No. But I sure want to know now. Are you breastfeeding, Dad?" asked Ellie.

"Someone decided to soak us with water in the lecture hall," said the Chief.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, Ellie," said Addison.

"Oh wow, I wish I had seen that," laughed Ellie.

"So you didn't do it?" asked Derek.

"Well isn't that just typical: someone does something wrong and you automatically assume it's me! Same old Dad then!" shouted Ellie.

"No you're right. Sorry," said Derek.

"Thank you now if you don't mind…" said Ellie, turning back to the terrified guy behind the counter.

"She is 17," snapped Derek at the guy. "Do you like jail?"

"Uh…Um… I didn't know…"

"Thanks dad. I'm 18 in 3 weeks."

"3 weeks Ellie, not today. Now get back up to your room," he said sharply.

--------------------------------------

Ellie went back up to her room, and found Bailey's interns and Mark waiting for her. The interns all looked stunned and in awe, and Mark had a proud smirk on his face.

"I salute you, I have taught you well," said Mark, crossing his arms over his chest and grinning triumphantly.

"Why thank you," said Ellie, taking a bow.

"So how did you get away with it?" Mark asked.

"Pretended I was flirting with the guy in the gift shop. It would have looked too suspicious if I hadn't been doing something wrong," said Ellie as though it was nothing.

"Wow…I can't believe you pulled that off," said Christina, looking simultaneously shocked and amazed.

"I'm just getting started," said Ellie with a glint in her eye.

"So do you babies still want to play?" asked Mark.

"I'm in," said Alex.

"Me too," said Christina enthusiastically.

"You could get kicked out the program if you get caught," Ellie pointed out.

"I won't get caught," said Alex cockily.

"What about the rest of you?" asked Ellie.

"I'm still in," said Christina.

"Why not? Count me in," said Meredith with a mischievous grin.

"What about you two?" asked Mark.

"I don't think so," said Izzie. "It's looks like fun, but we could get into a lot of trouble."

"Fine," said Mark. "O'Malley?"

"Count me out too," said George reluctantly.

"Right. Who wants to go first?" said Ellie, looking round at them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11  
**

"So Dr. Bailey, do I get out of here today?" asked Ellie. Bailey and her interns were rounding on Ellie, who was lying in her bed with her covers pulled up to her chin.

"Yes, you do," said Dr. Bailey. "Dr. Karev will be back this afternoon to discharge you. You need to come back in a month for a check up with your cardiologist."

"I know I made an appointment," said Ellie. "And since Alex is already here, can't I go now?"

"No," said Bailey shortly. Bailey's pager went off. "I'll be back," she added before going to the nurse's station.

"Oh thank god, I need to change before my mom gets here," said Ellie, flinging her covers off. She was wearing a little black dress, and had stashed her bag and shoes under her bed.

"Where the hell were you?" said Meredith, not believing what she was seeing.

"Mark dared me to sneak out…" Ellie explained, quickly pulling on jeans.

"Where were you?" said Meredith.

"Very stepmother, Dr. Grey," retorted Ellie.

"Seriously, where were you? You were here at eleven last night I checked on you," said Izzie.

"I went to a club with the med students," said Ellie, as though it was nothing. "It's no big deal, nobody saw me and they won't say anything."

"You went to club? You're only 17," hissed Meredith.

"I'm 18 in a week," said Ellie, not seeing why the interns were making a fuss.

"But not 21," said Meredith. "Your dad is going to kill you, then he's going to kill us for letting you escape."

"I drank mineral water all night and I don't see why he has to find out," said Ellie.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Whacha doing?" Ellie asked Ryan, the first year med student shadowing her dad. Ryan was one of the students she had sneaked out with the night before.

"Nothing, I'm just waiting to be told what to do," he said, smiling when she saw Ellie.

"Wow, sounds boring," Ellie said, flirting her butt off.

"It is. I haven't started Med school yet, so there isn't a lot I can do. It's depressing," said Ryan. "Did you get in trouble?"

"No, I made it back in time for rounds," Ellie assured him, amused by how nervous Ryan seemed. "Relax, I used to sneak out of the house all the time."

"Okay."

"Seriously relax," she laughed.

"Your dad is head of Neuro and… you know, Mark Sloan. They could kill me and make it look like an accident," said Ryan fearfully.

"They won't," laughed Ellie.

"Hey, you two better get out of here. Shepherd is looking for you and he is pissed," said Alex, spotting them.

"Why?" asked Ellie. She had been really careful when she has sneaked back into the hospital.

"Take a look," said Alex, tossing them a tabloid newspaper.

"Oh shit," whispered Ellie. Right there on page 7 was a picture of her in the club, and Ryan had his arm round her shoulders. There was even a story about it, and there was no doubt it was taken last night.

"Uh oh…" said Ryan, looking up to see Derek storming towards them and he looked murderous.

"Go! Run!" commanded Ellie, pushing him into the stairwell.

"But…"

"Go I can handle my dad!" she insisted.

------------------------------------------------------

"Dad, calm down. It's not a big deal, I didn't even drink," said Ellie, when Derek finally took a breath from yelling at her. They were in his office and he hadn't stopped ranting for twenty minutes.

"Not a big deal… on what planet? You… I don't even know what to say to you…" spluttered Derek, completely exasperated by Ellie.

"Relax, there is no harm done."

"No harm done… what the hell is wrong with you? Have you gone mad?"

"I'm sorry, I was wrong. I shouldn't have sneaked out and I'm sorry."

"This isn't the first time either, weird things have been happening all over this place and it has you written all over it…"

---------------------------------------------------

"What is going on in there?" Mark asked Meredith who was watching Derek and Ellie's fight.

"Take a look," said Meredith, handing the paper to Mark.

"Oh god. Where is Addison?" groaned Mark, Ellie and Derek both had tempers. They needed a mediator.

"In surgery… what did they say?" said Meredith. Ellie had just thrown a book at the wall, Derek seemed just as mad as her.

"Oh crap, this can't be good," said Mark.

Just then Ellie came storming out of Derek's office, and came flying past Mark and Meredith.

"Ellie where are you going? What happened?" demanded Mark.

"I'm getting on the next plane out of here," snapped Ellie, holding back tears.

* * *

Addison got back to the trailer late that night and found Derek lying on their bed, fully clothed staring up at the ceiling.

"What the hell did you do to Ellie? She's in New York, she won't come back," said Addison, she was furious and Derek knew it.

"Did you see the paper?" Derek said emotionlessly.

"Of course I saw it. Ellie was wrong, she should be punished… but what did you do? She won't tell me," said Addison, Derek didn't answer her. "She won't come back to Seattle."

"Maybe it's for the best."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

A month after Ellie went back to New York(,) she came back to Seattle. She had her check up with Dr. Burke and was starting College in Seattle in 3 weeks. Mark had come back with her since he was signing a contract for head of plastics at Seattle Grace. Derek and Addison had broken up recently, and, of course, that was part of the reason Mark was back in town. Addison had called him.

"You ready, kid?" Mark asked, casting a sideways glance at Ellie.

The two of them were standing outside the hospital. Ellie took her sunglasses off and looked up at where she knew the surgical wing was. In the few weeks since she had left Seattle. Ellie's appearance had changed dramatically, she had changed every part of herself that reminded her of Derek. She had her hair dyed blonde, cut into a short layered bob and straightened, so nobody would ever know that naturally she had long black curly hair like her dad. She had started wearing green contacts because she didn't want to have Derek's blue eyes anymore. She had done everything she could to get rid of any traces of Derek, everything she could without surgery.

"I'm ready, let's just get this over with," she said. "I still don't see why I couldn't see the Cardiologist in New York."

"You are starting school here in a few weeks, you had to come back here at some point anyway," said Mark. "Addison is dying to see you. You could have said goodbye to her, she is worried sick about you."

"Hmmm that's why she called you out here… what is it some sort of transcontinental booty call?" said Ellie, then she made a face realising what she had said and who it was about. "Ugh don't tell me… it's just plain creepy."

"Then why ask?" laughed Mark. "Come on or you'll be late."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Ellie, oh thank god, you're alright," said Addison, running to Ellie as she came off the elevator onto the surgical floor. Before Ellie could say anything, Addison had pulled her into a bone-breaking hug.

"Of course I'm alright. I told you I was," said Ellie, pushing her mother off her.

"Look at your hair… and what did you do to your eyes?" said Addison, touching the side of Ellie's face.

"I wanted a change, and it is just contacts," said Ellie, uncomfortable with Addison's fussing.

"But you look so different… have you lost weight?" demanded Addison.

"No, Mom stop fussing. I'm fine," insisted Ellie.

"She is alright, in fact she is almost late for her appointment with Dr. Burke," said Mark.

"Oh right, of course," said Addison, looking up at Mark. "Glad you could come."

"Wouldn't have missed it," said Mark.

"Oh gross, will you two stop looking at each other like that. It's disturbing," moaned Ellie.

"Alright, you go on up to Dr. Burke, I'll be up as soon as I can," said Addison, blushing.

"Okay," said Ellie. "Come on, you lovesick jackass."

"Sometimes I wonder why I'm so nice to you," said Mark, following Ellie.

"Nice? You stole my coffee on the flight, that is criminal."

**---------------------------------------**

"Is that… is she blonde?" said Christina, shamelessly gaping at Ellie. She had just come from her check up with Burke.

"Yes I am a blonde now, and staring is rude Dr. Yang," said Ellie.

"Well…" Christina babbled, completely shocked at Ellie's new appearance. "Look at you… you're completely different."

"You look great," said Izzie.

"Thank you Izzie," said Ellie.

"Did you have your check up with Burke?" said Christina.

"Yeah, apparently there was some abnormalities so I'm waiting for test results…" she explained, looking around. Realizing that she couldn't find Mark, she said, "Where the hell is Mark? He was here a second ago. You're very quiet Dr. Grey."

"Oh hi… it's um… nice to see you," said Meredith uncomfortably. She didn't know if Ellie knew about prom.

"Relax Meredith, I know what happened, and I don't want to even think about it because it gives me the creeps. I think the panties on the board was sufficient punishment," said Ellie.

"Oh right…okay…" Meredith said, thoroughly embarrassed that Derek's daughter knew about her god-forsaken panties.

"Anyway I should go and… wait for my results," said Ellie, spotting Derek across the open plan. She walked away in the opposite direction.

"What the hell did he do to her? She is blonde," said Christina, still gaping at her.

"I don't know, why would I know? Derek won't even talk about it, not even a hint, nothing," said Meredith.

-------------------------------------------------

"You're still here… breathing and everything," said Ellie when she hunted down the person she really wanted to see.

"Yeah I'm still here and breathing," said Ryan, his face breaking into a huge smile. He had been talking to Ellie on the phone since she left.

"Well that's good then," said Ellie, sitting down on the floor next to him.

"Have you been to see Dr Burke?"

"Yes, just waiting for test results," said Ellie. "How long are you here for?"

"Another two weeks, I get a week off and then I start Med school," said Ryan, putting his arm around Ellie's shoulder. "How long are you here for? Can we expect you to storm out without being discharged again?"

"I haven't been admitted, smartass," smirked Ellie. "And I'll be living in Seattle for at least the next four years."

"You accepted the offer from SU?"

"I did, I start Pre Med in 3 weeks."

"Pre Med? What happened to Social Work?" asked Ryan.

"Changed my mind, I'm going to be a surgeon even if it is just to prove to Dr. Shepherd that I can," said Ellie.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," said Ellie firmly.

"Hopefully I'll see you around campus," said Ryan, trying to be charming.

"Hmmmm," said Ellie. She leaned over and gently kissed Ryan on the lips, he responded immediately kissed her softly. He pulled back and gently rubbed her cheek.

"How old are you again?" he whispered.

"Just turned 18," she said softly.

"So I'm not breaking any laws," he said, allowing his eyes to drift back to her lips.

"No, you're not."

"Oh good," he said, leaning forwards and kissing her again. He pulled away abruptly again.

"Something wrong?" said Ellie, getting impatient.

"Are you doing this to piss off your dad again? I mean I am older and…"

"I am so done being the angry kid trying to get Daddy's attention and four years isn't a huge gap," said Ellie. "Now are you finally going to kiss my properly now?"

"Definitely."

-----------------------------------------------

Later that day Ellie had gotten her test results and everything was normal. She was in the elevator with Addison and Mark when Derek got on.

"Talk to him," Addison hissed at Ellie.

"No."

"Ellie…"

"Why the hell should I? Give me one good reason why I should even acknowledge he exists?" whispered Ellie angrily.

"He is your father," said Mark.

"DNA is not a reason," said Ellie, brushing past Derek. "I'm taking the stairs."

Derek didn't even attempt to stop her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

5 YEARS LATER

Ellie was now in Med school, she and Ryan were still together. Ryan was a surgical intern at Seattle Grace. Ellie hadn't spoken to Derek in five years, she had seen him around since they lived in the same city and he worked at the same hospital as Ryan but she never even so much as looked at him. Ellie had ditched the blonde, she had gone back to her natural black curly hair and piercing blue eyes.

Derek and Meredith had married four years ago, they had a daughter called Grace who was now three. Ellie had spotted her half sister round the hospital, but had never met her. Meredith was expecting their second baby in five months.

Addison and Mark had a three year old daughter called Tilly, they had since gotten divorced but were able to be civil. Ellie was really close to Tilly, trying to make up for the fact that she would never get to be a part of her other half sisters life.

"Ell sweetie are you awake?" Ryan whispered creeping into their bedroom. He had just finished a long shift and needed to talk to Ellie.

"Yeah I'm awake," said Ellie sitting up in bed and turning on the light. "I was studying."

"There's something I need to tell you…we need to talk," said Ryan nervously.

"What? Are you breaking up with me? If you are…" Ryan cut off Ellie's angry rant with a soft kiss.

"Shut up will you and let me say this," he said smiling at her.

"Oh right…we're not breaking up then? It's just when a guy says we need to talk…"

"I know, but no we are definitely not breaking up," said Ryan firmly. "This is about your father."

"I don't want to hear it then," said Ellie abruptly. "I don't care if he is ill, I don't care if he is on damn life support, unless you want me to pull the plug."

"You don't mean that," said Ryan, he knew Ellie was an angry teenager when it came to the subject of her father. "Will you please just listen to me?"

"No, I don't want to hear anything about _him_," said Ellie looking away.

Derek had been diagnosed with Kidney failure a few months ago, he had had surgery to remove the affected kidney. He was on light dialysis once a week, and as far as Ellie knew his other kidney was doing well and he should be off dialysis all together in a few months.

"He's sick Ellie, his last kidney gave up earlier this evening," Ryan said seriously.

"Good for it," retorted Ellie, but she wasn't trying to get up or leave, she was listening.

"The kidney isn't going to last long, he was placed on the donor list. But we're looking for private donors, most of his friends are getting tested tonight but you know they really need…"

"A family donor," Ellie finished for him.

"Yes, if they want the best chance to save his life," said Ryan.

"Why are you telling me this?" said Ellie showing a little emotional.

"You need to know, your father could be dying. I know saying you two don't get along is the understatement of the century but…he is still your father."

"I'm sure he'll find a donor. He has another family now," said Ellie looking past Ryan.

"A three year old. If this was your Mom and Tilly was her best chance, would you still sit back and let her do it?"

"This is completely different," Ellie insisted.

"Is it? Grace is your half sister too, do you want her to have to go into surgery to save her Dad's life? You can prevent it," said Ryan relieved to see that he getting through to Ellie. "Just get tested, you might not even be a match."

"I'll just get dressed, we can go now," said Ellie quietly.

------------------------------------------------------

"I can't do this…please can't you just test me without me having to go in there," groaned Ellie. She was standing outside a door, filled with people including her father and half sister.

"No, just go in and get tested. It'll be over with in five minutes, I'll be with you the whole time," said Ryan squeezing her hand.

"Okay fine, let's just do this." Said Ellie taking a deep breath and opening the door.

As soon as she did, everyone in the room turned to look at her.

"Ellie…you…" said Derek shocked to see her. Ellie was the last person he was expecting to help him, she had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him.

"Don't! Lets just get one thing straight, I am not here for you. I am here to get tested and go. If I am a match you can have my kidney because I am not about to let a three year old go under the knife. So don't talk to me, don't look at me. Just take the damn kidney," said Ellie harshly.

"Right…" said Derek disappointment written all over his face.

"Okay then, who is going to take my blood?"

---------------------------------------------------

"Is that the results?" Ellie asked Ryan.

"Yeah," sighed Ryan.

"And?"

"You're a perfect match."

"Alright then, lets do this"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked Ellie. She had been admitted last night and the transplant was booked in for that evening.

"I'm tired and starving," she grumbled. "You rounded on me at five thirty in the morning and all I'm allowed to eat is ice chips. This sucks."

"Oh shut up, she always was a whiney patient."

"Dr Bailey," said Ellie. "You were my favorite resident and now you can be my favorite attending."

"Stop sucking up and let this boy do his job," said Bailey.

"Alright, what do you want now?" said Ellie to Ryan.

"More blood," he said apologetically.

"Alright then," said Ellie holding out her arm. "Don't nurses do that?"

"Yes they do, but this fool is taking a very personal interest in this case. Any more special attention and he is off this case." Said Bailey not really as angry as she sounded.

"You can't kick him off the case, I like having my own personal intern," said Ellie.

"Yeah personal intern. It must have been some real special personal attention he was giving you in the on call room earlier. Patients are not allowed in the on call rooms," said Bailey harshly.

"But there are no locks on my door," grinned Ellie. Ryan looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

"I'm finished we should let the patient rest her big mouth," said Ryan pointedly to Ellie.

"Oh he's embarrassed now," laughed Ellie.

"We'll come by and check on you later. Try and stay out of trouble," said Ryan still blushing profusely.

"I'll try."

--------------------------------------------

"Shouldn't you be working? Bailey will have a fit if she finds you in here," said Ellie. Ryan had sneaked back into her room, she was due to go into surgery in a few hours.

Ryan was lying in her hospital bed and she was cuddling into him, not really wanting him to leave.

"Probably, but who cares?" he shrugged.

"Ooh you so aren't meant to piss off Bailey," gasped Ellie.

"I'm on scut today anyway, apparently my resident anticipated that I would be a little distracted today what with you going into surgery," said Ryan, stroking her hair.

"Okay then."

"We've been together a long time, right?" said Ryan randomly.

"Five years," she mumbled. "Why?"

"I was just thinking about when you were going marry me," said Ryan casually.

"What? Where is this coming from?" said Ellie sitting straight up.

"I said I was just wondering, we've been together five years."

"We live together, why do we need to change anything?" said Ellie feeling like she was about to hyperventilate.

"I was just thinking it might be time to take the next step. Have you never thought about it?"

"Um…no not really."

"Well do you want to start thinking about it?" said Ryan knowing full well how Ellie felt about commitment. It had taken him a year to convince her to move in with him, maybe it had been watching her parents and then her mother's second marriage break down that made her so wary.

"Okay…I'll…think about it," said Ellie lying back down on him.

"That's all I ask, just think about it." Said Ryan. "It wouldn't be so bad. It's not like I want to have kids right now."

"Kids?" said Ellie sitting up again. "I just started Med school, then I have to get through residency. Kids are a long, long way away…like years and years in the future."

"I know, it'll be a long time before we have a family so you can stop freaking out," said Ryan pulling her back down.

"Okay…just as long as you know that."

"I do," said Ryan and laughed as Ellie winced at his choice of words. "Just think about it."

-------------------------------------

"You ready to go?" asked Mark. Ellie was just about to be taken down to the OR.

"Can I finally eat when I get out?" asked Ellie.

"Yes you can eat when you get out, you can eat anything you want," said Addison.

"Well make sure there is a menu waiting for me when I wake up."

"Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to, it's not too late to pull out," said Ryan worriedly. "There are risks, you'll only have one kidney…"

"I know," said Ellie squeezing his hand. "But I'll be fine, with Dr. Yang operating on me…I'll be fine."

"I'll be in the OR the whole time," said Ryan.

"We'll all be in there with you," said Addison.

"Okay, lets just do this."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"How are you feeling this morning?" Meredith asked. Ellie had come round about an hour ago and was still in bed.

"I'm fine, I had a fever during the night but it's gone now," said Ellie. "I was wondering when I would be seeing you."

"Sorry I didn't come before you went into surgery," said Meredith, leaning against the door frame. "Someone wants to thank you."

"I really don't think…" started Ellie, thinking that it was Derek. But when Meredith stepped into her room, she saw that it was Grace. "Oh… okay. Come in."

"Mummy said you gave my Daddy a new piece," said Grace shyly.

Grace looked a lot like Ellie, she had the same black curly hair and blue eyes. She had more delicate features than Ellie, like Meredith but they were definitely sisters.

"Well I had a spare one," joked Ellie. "How is your Daddy doing now?"

"He's awake and talking, still a little weak though," said Meredith.

"I know the feeling," said Ellie. She had never felt so weak in her life even talking was a struggle.

"He wanted to come himself but… if you let him he'll come by when he can get out of bed," said Meredith uncomfortably.

"That's not necessary," said Ellie curtly.

"Okay."

"What's that you have there?" said Ellie kindly to Grace. She was clutching a piece of paper.

"She made you a card," smiled Meredith.

"A card?"

"To help you get better because you made my Daddy better," said Grace as she cautiously handed Ellie the card.

"Thank you, it's beautiful," said Ellie, genuinely moved.

"My Daddy said he's going to take me to Disney World when he gets better," said Grace, getting over her initial shyness.

"You're a very lucky little girl then," said Ellie.

"You're Tilly's big sister, she told me."

"Yes, I am Tilly's big sister," said Ellie.

"Tilly is my sort of sister," said Grace in the know-it-all, three-year-old way.

"Is she? How is that?" asked Ellie, looking up at Meredith. As far as she knew Grace had no idea that she was her half-sister.

"Well a long long time ago, in the olden days my Daddy and Tilly's Mummy were married and that makes us like sisters," Grace explained slowly.

"Ah I see."

"Gracie, we should let Ellie get some rest," said Meredith softly.

"Oh okay," said Grace, who had been enjoying their chat. "Can I visit again?"

"You'll have to ask Ellie," said Meredith.

"You can visit anytime you want," Ellie assured Grace with a big smile.

"Oh good, tomorrow?" Grace asked Meredith eagerly.

"We'll see," laughed Meredith softly.

---------------------------------------------------

"I took her to see Ellie earlier," said Meredith. She was in Derek's room, and Grace was asleep at the bottom of Derek's bed.

"How is she?" asked Derek. He still couldn't bring himself to go and see her.

"She has a slight fever but mostly she is just sore and tired. She's doing good," Meredith reassured him.

"Good."

"You should go and see her…" Meredith suggested gently. She didn't want to start anything, not right now when Grace was sleeping at the foot of the bed. "At least to thank her, she saved your life."

"And when she did she made it clear it was only so Grace didn't have to," Derek said, being his old stubborn self.

"Still you need to talk to her, it's been five years."

"Just leave it, Meredith," said Derek.

"How are you doing?" asked Addison, poking her head in his room.

"I'm good," said Derek.

"Are you sure? Do you need anything? Morphine, ice chips anything?" said Addison.

"I'm fine," insisted Derek.

"I was just talking to him about Ellie," said Meredith. "That's why he's in such a fantastic mood."

"Good luck. I gave up on them years ago, they are too stubborn and difficult," laughed Addison.

"She still gave him her kidney," argued Meredith.

"Yeah and she is milking it for all it's worth. She has already had Mark at deli twice and Ryan well… he is just constantly running around after her, which is no different than normal actually, but still…" said Addison.

-----------------------------------------------------

Ellie was alone in her room, everyone had finally left. Ryan had gone back to work, so had Mark and her Mom had disappeared somewhere. She wasn't feeling that great, she hadn't expected to be fighting fit after the surgery but she was really feeling awful now.

Suddenly she felt a shooting pain in her chest, and her left arm started to twitch. Something was definitely not right. She scrambled to her feet and stumbled into the hall.

"Karev…" she choked out. She could barely breathe now, and was having trouble staying on her feet. Alex was ten feet away at the nurses station.

"ALEX!" she screamed in pain.

"What the… where does it hurt?" Alex said, rushing over to her. "SOMEONE GET ME A GURNEY!"

"C—Can't breathe… chest pain… clotting… maybe," she gasped, then suddenly she was retching up blood.

"PREP OR FOUR!" Alex shouted.

---------------------------------------

"Addison, you need to come," said Mark, bursting into Derek's room.

"What? What's the matter? Where is Tilly?" demanded Addison. She had left Tilly with Mark, but now she was nowhere to be seen.

"It's Ellie, they rushed her to surgery," he gasped, running from the room after Addison.

"Mark, what's wrong with her?" Meredith shouted after him.

"We'll know when we get in there."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"How is it going?" Meredith asked anxiously. She had just come from Derek's room, he wanted to know how Ellie was. Ryan was up in the gallery watching with Mark and Addison while the other surgeons worked on Ellie.

"She's flat lined three times," said Mark not taking his eyes off Ellie.

"What's wrong with her?" Meredith asked.

"Clotting. She had a clot in her heart, it weakened her ventricle from the surgery five years ago…she has another in her brain. But it's her heart they're worried about, Preston is trying to reconstruct it," said Addison numbly.

"Oh my god," gasped Meredith. "How long will they be?"

"As long as it takes, or until her heart finally gives up," said Ryan, a tear falling down his cheek.

"She won't give up, she's a fighter you know that," said Mark. "Don't say that she'll give up. She won't."

"Look at her, if that was any other patient we would say she was a goner. The clot should have killed her before she made it to the OR," said Ryan his voice filled with despair.

"She isn't any other patient, she's my daughter," shouted Addison.

"And she is the love of my life, but we have to face up to the fact that she might not make it," Ryan shouted back.

"Stop it! Just sit there and shut up, Ellie will be fine," Mark ordered them.

--------------------------------------------------

"How is she? What's going on?" Derek asked anxiously when Meredith came back.

"She is out of surgery and she's…alive," said Meredith not knowing how to paint a bright picture.

"Alive? How bad was it?"

"As bad as it gets. She had a clot in her heart, and her brain. The clot in her heart further weakened her left ventricle, Preston reconstructed it," said Meredith helplessly.

"And her brain?"

"The clot was removed successfully without a hitch."

"Where is she?" asked Derek, devastated. He had almost killed his own daughter, if she hadn't gone into surgery to give him a kidney she wouldn't have gotten the clots.

"Sedated in the ICU."

"Can you just give me a minute?"

"Sure I'll be outside."

------------------------------------------------------


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 

Ellie had woken up a few weeks ago and was now out of Intensive Care. Much to her relief, Ellie did not have to have her entire head shaved she just had a little bald patch at the back that she could cover with her hair.

"Alright then, Miss Shepherd had a craniotomy four weeks ago after a clot in her frontal lobe…" said Derek. It was his first day back at work and he had taken over Ellie's case. He was rounding with Cristina and her interns.

"Hold it. You are my neurosurgeon, isn't that a breach of ethics… oh and how come you can go back to work but I can't get out of this bed…" protested Ellie, too annoyed to remember that she hadn't spoken to Derek in five years.

"You had a clot in your brain and your heart. You should be dead," retorted Cristina.

"Dr. Yang!" snapped Derek.

"Sorry Dr Shepherd, " said Cristina sheepishly.

"So how is it fair that you get to work and I can't sit in mid terms?" said Ellie. She had started to come round to idea of talking to Derek, a near death experience had made her realise what was really important.

"You had two major surgeries and were in the ICU for over a week," said Derek, unable to hide the smile on his face. At least Ellie was talking to him.

"Minor details," said Ellie, waving her hand dismissively. Then she spotted Addison coming towards her room. "Oh no hide me." Ellie ducked under her covers.

"Why? What did you do?" accused Cristina.

Ellie just stuck her left hand out from under the covers, showing Christina her white gold diamond engagement ring.

"Is that a…"

"Yes it is," said Ellie, from under the covers. "And now Mum wants to talk wedding plans because it's bad luck to be engaged for more than six months. So now she talks about dresses and caterers and flower girls… like I know any children apart from Tilly. She wants me to wear white… WHITE!"

"Okay, next patient then," said Cristina, motioning to the door. She and her interns left the room.

"Ellie, what is your opinion on…" started Addison, then she noticed Derek standing next to Ellie's bed and just Ellie's left hand visible. "Derek…"

"Why me?" groaned Ellie, suddenly becoming overwhelmingly nauseous. She jumped out of bed and burst into the bathroom and vomited.

"Honey are you alright?" asked Addison from the doorway.

Ellie was sick another three times before she could answer her.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just don't think my stomach is used to all this hospital food," said Ellie.

"Maybe we should run tests," said Derek. "You could be allergic to your medication."

"I think I would have noticed before now," snapped Ellie, then she realised she was being quite harsh. "I mean I'm fine, stop fussing."

"I'll have one of the interns run some labs just be sure," said Derek.

------------------------------------------------

"Oh I feel like crap," moaned Ellie. She was lounging around the nurses station, with Meredith, Cristina and Ryan.

"Do you need anymore painkillers?" asked Ryan, feeling her forehead.

"No I feel more nauseas than pain. That is three mornings in a row I've been sick, it must be something to do with the breakfast in this place," said Ellie, then she noticed the look Meredith and Cristina shared. "Alright, what?"

"Are you pregnant?" asked Cristina tactlessly.

"What? No, they did a pregnancy test before I had surgery," exclaimed Ellie.

"And you two haven't been going at it, since the surgery?" said Cristina, amused by Ryan's obvious discomfort.

"Um…." said Ellie, trying to remember if they had used any contraception. "They made me come off the pill before my surgery. Damn!"

"You mean…"

"This is all your fault! You better hope for your sake that I am not pregnant!" said Ellie, pointing at Ryan. She was not amused.

"A McGrandkid," said Cristina, smiling smugly.

"Oh no there is not a McAnything!" said Ellie, obviously freaked.

"Don't listen to the two witches," said Ryan, putting his arm round Ellie's shoulder protectively.

"The two witches? You obviously want to spend a month doing enemas and rectal exams," said Cristina, not happy about being referred to as a witch by an _intern_.

"Come on, just give me an urine sample and I'll get the test done for you," said Ryan, leading Ellie away, completely ignoring Cristina.

---------------------------------------------------

Derek was standing outside Ellie's room looking in. Ellie was curled up on the bed with Ryan, he was reading a chart and stroking his hair.

"He really loves her, you know," said Mark, watching Derek watch Ellie.

"What?"

"Ryan, he really does love Ellie. He's good for her," said Mark.

"I was just…"

"I know what you were just doing," said Mark. "You don't need to worry about Ellie. He's good to her."

"I still worry, she won't even speak to me and I worry about her," said Derek bitterly.

"I know you do," said Mark.

"How long have they…"

"About five years, been living together for three," said Mark, feeling awful that he hadn't kept Derek up to date on Ellie. "Don't worry I gave him the little talk, 'hurt her and I hurt you'. He seemed to respond well."

"Good… thanks… for looking out for her I mean."

"What happened between you two five years ago? Neither of you told anyone… you don't have to tell me now but… is it really worth it? She can't hate you as much as you think, she gave you her kidney."

"And it almost killed her," said Derek, tearing his eyes away from Ellie.

"Make it up to her Derek! You can still be the one to walk her down the aisle."

"It's too late," said Derek sadly, walking away.

-----------------------------------------------

"How long now?" asked Ellie anxiously. She had done the test a few minutes ago.

"It should be done now," said Ryan.

"You look, I don't want to," said Ellie, scared of the result.

"Alright, it'll okay," said Ryan, squeezing her hand. He got up and picked up the pregnancy test.

"Well…" asked Ellie urgently.

"It's positive."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"We're pregnant!" whooped Ryan, lifting Ellie up and spinning round.

"We… pregnant…" gasped Ellie, still in shock.

"It's great… unexpected but still great! A baby… _our_ baby wow," said Ryan, touching Ellie's stomach.

"Uh… Um…" said Ellie stupidly.

Just then Ryan's pager went off. "It's 911, I have to take it, sorry."

"It's fine, go," said Ellie, relieved that he had to leave.

After Ryan left the room Ellie picked up the test and sure enough it was positive. She sat down on the edge of the bed in total shock; in the back of her mind she never thought she could be pregnant. It was the last thing she was expecting, she always thought she would have kids when she was older and a qualified doctor. She had never wanted to be a young mum, she knew all too well that med students/interns/residents didn't have a lot of spare time for their kids. Ellie remembered spending most days during her parent's residency in Dr. Webber's office doing her homework, while they stopped by for a few minutes in between patients and surgeries.

All of a sudden, Ellie's hospital room seemed really small and claustrophobic. She had to get out of there and clear her head. So Ellie went and got coffee, and then she went to look out onto the ferry boats and found Derek already there. He nodded at her in acknowledgement. They stood next to each other in silence for a few minutes before Ellie spoke.

"Can I ask you a question?" asked Ellie uncertainly.

"Sure." Derek cast a sideways glance at her.

"In confidence… doctor patient thingy?"

"Ellie, what's wrong?" asked Derek, his voice filled with worry. It must be something really big or really bad for Ellie to come to him about it.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

"Oh…"

"I just found out… Ryan is so happy but…"

"But you don't know if you are," Derek finished for her.

"Right… I mean I'm only 23. I'm still a screwed up kid myself… I really can't have a baby," babbled Ellie.

"Slow down and breathe."

"Did you and Mum ever think about getting rid of me?" asked Ellie nervously.

"Ellie…" sighed Derek, he didn't want to tell her about that.

"It's alright I'm a big girl now. Just tell me I can take it."

"We thought about it," Derek confessed grudgingly.

"Why didn't you do it?" asked Ellie. She wasn't that surprised her parents were younger than she was when she was born. "You were only twenty and still in college."

"We just couldn't do it, as soon as we saw you on that first sonogram, sucking your thumb. We knew we couldn't do it," said Derek, watching Ellie, trying to work out what was going on in her head.

"Alright, that makes sense… I guess."

"You can only be a few weeks gone, don't do anything right away, you have time. If you need someone to talk to about your options."

"Yeah… thanks. You're right."

"Talk to Ryan. He obviously loves you. Talk it over with him," said Derek, so glad that Ellie was actually talking to him and sharing her problems with him.

"You don't think he'll hate me?" asked Ellie fearfully.

"No he won't hate you for being honest with him," Derek reassured her kindly.

----------------------------------------------

That night Ryan was in Ellie's hospital room, looking at wedding location brochures pre-selected by Addison.

"Um… there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about," said Ellie nervously, biting her bottom lip.

"Alright. What's up?" asked Ryan, sitting up to face Ellie. He could tell by her voice that it was something serious and she was nervous.

"It's the baby…" she started off slowly. "We're honest aren't we? We don't hide things from each other at least I don't… what I'm trying to say is we're strong… strong enough to get through…"

"You're rambling, love," smiled Ryan, kissing the top of Ellie's head. "Just spit it out."

"It's just we haven't really talked about it… what it means. I can't be anymore than three weeks along so there is time to consider our options… I would have to take a year out of school… surgeons don't make amazing parents… it wouldn't take long or be painful… it's not unusual… I mean think of the timing…"

"You're talking about an abortion?" said Ryan, letting go of Ellie's hand and standing up.

"P-Possibly," stuttered Ellie. Ryan never got seriously angry with her, and right now he looked mad. He was looking at her like she was complete stranger.

"You want to kill our baby?"

"It's not like that… just let me explain," said Ellie, her eyes filling up. She never thought he would get so angry.

"Oh save the waterworks, you're not a teenager anymore at least say what you mean," said Ryan, angrily raising his voice.

"The timing… I've already missed so much school," said Ellie pathetically. She couldn't handle Ryan being so mad at her, he was always the calm one that could manage his temper.

"You want to murder our child because it's inconvenient!" Ryan shouted.

"It's not like that… I just wanted to discuss…"

"I don't want to hear it! I can't even look at you!" said Ryan, and then he stormed out and Ellie burst into tears.

-------------------------------------

"What are you doing?" demanded Addison, one of the nurses had just paged her.

"Discharging myself," said Ellie.

"Why?" asked Addison, then she saw that Ellie had been crying. "Honey, what's happened?"

"I just want to go home," sighed Ellie.

"At least have a check up," said Addison, then she turned to the nearest nurse. "Page Dr. Shepherd!"

"No need, here I am," said Derek, coming out of a patients room. "What do you need?"

"Nothing from you," said Ellie venomously.

"What's happened?" asked Derek, confused. He saw right away that Ellie had been crying.

"I took your advice and now he can't even look at me," said Ellie tearfully and angrily. "So I need to go home and fix it."

"Okay I'll clear you," said Derek. He couldn't believe he had messed up again, he thought he had said the right thing. But what did he really know about Ellie's life and her relationship?

* * *

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	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 

Ellie hadn't seen or spoken to Ryan in two weeks. The first week she had called and paged him every few hours, and he ignored her. He stayed at the hospital almost every night, only coming home when he knew Ellie wasn't there. The second week she stopped calling and paging him; she tried to give him space. She waited up for him at night, and he slept on the sofa. When she fell asleep on the sofa, he slept in their room. He was always gone when she woke up.

So now she was in Mark's office. She didn't know what else she could do to try and explain to Ryan.

"I need a favor," said Ellie.

"Sure what is it?" asked Mark. He knew that Ellie and Ryan had fallen out, but he didn't know about the pregnancy yet, only Ryan, Ellie and Derek knew.

"Can I stay with you for a few days? I would ask mum but she'll only fuss and make a big deal of it."

"Are you sure that is what you want?" asked Mark. He was really worried about Ellie now, he had just thought that they were having a tiff he didn't think it was at the stage where Ellie would move out. He hadn't seen her in this sort of state for years.

"No it's not what I want. But what else can I do? It's been two weeks and he won't even be in the same room as me, let alone talk to me. I can't take living there anymore… not like this," said Ellie, knowing she could trust Mark to keep this to himself.

"Okay," said Mark. "You're welcome to stay with me anytime and for as long as you want, you know that."

"Thank you."

"Do you still have the key?" he asked. Ellie often looked after Tilly when Mark and Addison got called in for an emergency, so she had keys to both Addison and Mark's houses.

"Yeah, I'll come by tonight then."

"There is one condition though."

"What?" sighed Ellie, knowing she wasn't going to like what was coming.

"I got talking to your Dad, and he seemed to think I should suggest you have a check up," said Mark carefully. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"Damn! Yes I am," said Ellie, frustrated that Derek had told Mark.

"And that is what is causing the problems? If he…"

"He hasn't done anything wrong… this is my fault. He wants the baby and I don't know what I want. So I'm moving out to give us both space," said Ellie quickly. Mark was the Chief of Surgery now and he was good at it, but if he thought Ryan was treating Ellie badly there was a great chance his internship would suddenly get twice as hard.

"Alright," said Mark grimly, Ellie was like a daughter to him so it was instinct for him to want to protect her. "How far along are you?"

"I don't know four weeks maybe," said Ellie uncertainly.

"You haven't gotten yourself checked?" said Mark sternly.

"No… I still don't know if I'm going to keep it."

"You still have to be checked over… you should know that. You are not leaving this hospital until you have a check up."

"Alright fine, I'll do it," said Ellie, feeling like a five-year-old being told off. "But not with Mum, she doesn't even know yet."

"Alright then I'll do it, then you don't have to worry about anyone finding out."

"I don't think so, you're a plastic surgeon."

"I think I can still remember how to read a sonogram and take your blood pressure," said Mark, a little irked that Ellie didn't think he could do it.

"I've known you my whole life, you're like a surrogate Dad to me. You are so not poking around downstairs," said Ellie obviously.

"I'll call a resident."

"Make it Meredith."

-------------------------------------------------

"Hi, can I come in?" asked Ellie. Derek was in the conference room doing paperwork. Ellie had had her check up with Meredith and she had been sworn to secrecy.

"Sure," said Derek, surprised to find Ellie was even talking to him.

"I just wanted to apologise. I shouldn't have blamed you… you told me exactly what anyone would. So I'm sorry, I was wrong," said Ellie sincerely.

"It's alright," said Derek. "Just forget about it."

"I do feel really bad about it."

"Don't it's okay," said Derek.

"I talked to Mark, he made me have a check up."

"I'm sorry, I just… thought he would be in a better position to help."

"It's alright, at least you didn't tell mum… I just can't handle having to tell her and have her being all nice… and supportive… throwing baby books and statistics down my throat," said Ellie.

"Have you thought about it at all?"

"Yeah I've thought about it a lot but… I don't think I can make this decision without Ryan; it just doesn't seem right," said Ellie, sitting down across from Derek.

"He's still mad at you?"

"Hasn't been in the same room as me in two weeks, and won't return my calls. I'm going to stay with Mark for a few days."

"You could stay with us," said Derek hopefully.

"Thanks but you have Grace and… a pregnant Meredith which can't be fun. I'll be fine at Mark's, he's never home so I can study and mope."

"Okay."

"I appreciate the offer though especially since we haven't been on the best terms for years."

"You saved my life… and it almost killed you," said Derek.

"How many times have I almost died Dad? I'm indestructible," said Ellie easily.

"Alright but still anything you need…"

"Thank you. I actually better go I have a lecture in forty minutes," said Ellie, getting up. "I'll talk to you soon Dad."

"Yeah, bye Ellie," said Derek, only just realizing that she had called him Dad.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 

"What have you done?" demanded Addison.

Ellie had been staying at Mark's for three days now. It was eight thirty in the morning and Addison had arrived with Tilly.

"What?" groaned Ellie. She was still half asleep.

"How is my little princess this morning?" said Mark to Tilly, surprisingly cheerful for such an early hour. "You want pancakes?"

"Yay pancakes!" squealed Tilly, following Mark into the kitchen.

"I want pancakes," Ellie called to them.

"Talk to your Mum first," Mark called.

"You're pain in the ass."

"So are you."

"Well…?" said Addison impatiently. "I'm waiting."

"I haven't done anything Mum," sighed Ellie.

"Well something is going on and I want to know what," said Addison, scolding her like she was five again. "For one thing you are staying here, and I thought it was just a blip and you would tell me when you were ready, but it's been three days… and you've been miserable ever since you discharged yourself. Mark and _Derek_ are having hushed conversations about you… you told your dad before me. So you better tell me what is going on right now."

"Alright, I'm sorry," sighed Ellie, sitting down. She wasn't going anywhere until Addison knew exactly what was going on. "I should have told you."

"Told me what?!" said Addison, flinging her arms up in the air in exasperation.

"I'm pregnant!"

"I'm sorry, you're _what_?"

"Pregnant… you know, 'in the family way'… 'a bun in the oven'… what ever you want to call it!" said Ellie.

"Okay I get it, I just don't get why you're staying here because you're pregnant."

"I was having doubts, I told Ryan and he hasn't been in the same room as me in almost three weeks… so I'm here and a little lost to be honest," said Ellie, uncertain of Addison's reaction. Would she be mad that she considered an abortion? Or would she support her and talk about it?

"And you've just let him get away with that! That is not the daughter I raised, you're not weak and pathetic! You're strong… don't let any man walk all over you!" said Addison as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "He has left you to decide on your own… washed his hands of it all! I always thought he was so good for you… but you're not a doormat don't act like one Ellie!"

"Oh… wow… right," said Ellie, trying to take in what Addison had said.

"You're entitled to have doubts, he isn't entitled to dump all of this on you. Everyone has doubts, I had them both times, even though I was happily married… you're really young and still in Med school," said Addison, putting her arm round Ellie's shoulder. "You're allowed to hesitate, it's natural."

-----------------------------------------------

"Ryan," said Ellie. She had waited for him to finish his shift at the hospital. He was on his way to the parking lot. "Ryan, talk to me!"

"Why? What is there to say?" said Ryan, his eyes flashing at her in anger. "You want rid of our baby, you moved out and you left your ring."

"What was I supposed to do?" said Ellie, walking up to him. "You haven't spoken to me in three weeks… I couldn't live like that."

"No you ran away, like you always do. When the going gets tough, Ellie runs!" shouted Ryan.

"I didn't run," said Ellie calmly. "I took some space, if I wanted to run I would have gotten on a plane."

"You ran back to Daddy…"

"I didn't, I ran to Step-Daddy…"

"Why are we arguing? You made up your mind… did you… have you done it yet?" said Ryan, each word causing him actual pain.

"No… I don't know what I'm going to do yet," sighed Ellie. "But I have to decide on my own, right? You washed your hands of it all."

"Ellie, that is not fair!"

"No, what's not fair is you leaving me to cope on my own with this! You wouldn't even let me explain why I was confused(…)! So I don't know what I'm going to do and whatever I decide you are not a part of it!" shouted Ellie. Her temper had gotten the better of her, she had wanted to calmly talk to Ryan and sort things out, not end it for good.

"Elle…what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that I'm done… whether I have the baby or not I'm done with you," she said sadly, then she walked towards her car.

"If you have the baby, we don't have a problem!" Ryan shouted after her.

She didn't answer. She just got in her car and drove off.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 

FIVE AND A HALF YEARS LATER

Ellie hadn't seen or spoken to Ryan since she had driven away from him in the parking lot. She was a third year Neuro resident at Mercy West, where she had worked since moving back to Seattle after her internship in New York. Ellie had had the baby, a boy. She had named him Christopher Shepherd Henderson, and he was almost five.

Ryan had no idea that he had a son. He was a cardio Attending at Seattle Grace, where Derek, Addison, Mark and Meredith all still worked. He knew Ellie was back in Seattle, as a patient had been transferred to his care a few months ago and her signature had been on the paper work. Ryan had recently got engaged to an intern called Mandy.

-------------------------------------------

Ryan was up on the roof with a group of interns. They were expecting an emergency patient from Mercy West who had had an aneurysm in his brain that could burst at any minute and he had just suffered a heart attack and needed a triple heart bypass.

"Oh my god," whispered Ryan to himself. The helicopter had just landed, he knew even before she got out that it was Ellie. She was the surgeon operating on the aneurysm while he repaired the heart. This would not be fun.

-------------------------------------

"Well, well, well… I had to come and see if it was true," said Mark.

Ellie and Ryan had just come out of surgery. The patient had survived, and they had managed to avoid eye contact with each other, they only spoke about the patient's progress.

"If what was true?" said Ellie, rolling her eyes.

"If the infamous Ellie Shepherd was really operating in one of my ORs," smirked Mark.

"Oh aren't you funny?" said Ellie dully.

"Now, now no need to be touchy," laughed Mark. "How is the patient?"

"Alive, barely," said Ellie.

"How is the heart looking?" Mark asked Ryan.

"The bypass went smoothly, Chief, he should be on his feet in a few weeks," said Ryan, concentrating really hard on scrubbing his hands.

"Good… I should be going I have a surgery," said Mark, sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere. "Are you sticking around?"

"I'll be here for a few hours," said Ellie. "I want to monitor the patient and keep an eye on the bleeding."

"A few hours? Did I mention I had a Neuro resident go wacko, he has his own room down in psych?" said Mark.

"Yes, you mentioned it a few hundred times and I'm still not interested," said Ellie.

"Why not? Mercy West is a dump, they barely have a functioning x-ray machine. Just think about it, okay?"

"Fine, I'll think about it," said Ellie. Mark left the room, leaving Ellie and Ryan alone.

She wasn't going to take the position. She had to think about Chris, although Seattle Grace was closer to their house and his new school. If she did take the position, Ryan would have some awkward questions about Chris and that was something she really didn't want to think about. She had never planned to keep Chris a secret from Ryan, but when it came to calling Ryan when she decided to keep him she couldn't do it. She tried again once he was born, but when she called Ryan's cell phone a woman picked up and she chickened out again. So now it was five years later and Ryan had no clue. Chris never really asked questions about his Dad, Ellie had told him that his Dad loved him but lived far away.

Should she tell him now? Just blurt it out and get it over with?

"Ryan…" she started.

"I'm engaged," Ryan blurted out, cutting off what Ellie was about to say.

"Oh…" said Ellie, obviously thrown. "Congratulations."

"Thanks… uh how are you?" he said awkwardly.

"I'm good, and you?"

"Great… no ring," he said pointing to her hand, as soon as he said he wanted to kick himself.

"No, no ring. I'm still just not the marrying kind," joked Ellie.

"Right uh… I gotta go."

------------------------------------------------

"How would you feel about me murdering that group of giggling interns?" Ellie asked Mark later that day. She was at the nursing station updating her patients chart and could feel everyone's eyes on her, and hear them whispering about her.

"Don't! I'm already short staffed as it is," said Mark. "Of course it would really take a load off my mind if I had a competent Neuro resident to look after a few unruly interns…"

"Could I torture them into shutting their traps for good, and claw their eyes out?" said Ellie viciously.

"You could do anything you want."

"Noted."

"Come on, Ellie… so what if Henderson is here? By the way, did you tell him about Chris?"

"It didn't come up," snapped Ellie.

"I'm sure you could have worked it into the conversation."

"I'm sure I could have."

"You should have told him five years ago," said Mark. He had never agreed with Ellie's decision not to tell Ryan.

"I know, I meant to but now too much time has passed. He's getting married, he'll get the perfect little life I could never give him."

"It still isn't right."

"Chris is fine, he doesn't need a father."

"All little boys need their father."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," said Ellie firmly.

"Guess which one he's marrying," said Mark, nodding towards the group of interns.

"I don't know, the blonde," said Ellie, rolling her eyes.

"Wrong, the one with black hair. Look familiar to you?" said Mark.

He was right, there was an enormous physical resemblance between Ellie and Mandy.

"No," snapped Ellie, snapping the chart shut.

"You going to take the job?"

"No."

"An extra fifty grand a year," Mark called. He knew how much Mercy West paid their residents and it wasn't as much as Seattle Grace.

"I'll see you first thing tomorrow."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Dr. Shepherd can I have a word?" said Ryan. It was Ellie's first day at Seattle Grace, and she had just scrubbed out of a craniotomy.

"Sure, what's up?" asked Ellie.

"In private," said Ryan stiffly.

"Alright," said Ellie, confused. He had gone out of his way to avoid her all day and now he wanted to talk in private? Ellie's heart started to race; Chris was down in Hospital daycare as he didn't start kindergarten until next week, and maybe Ryan had worked it out. He knew he was Chris's Dad. Ellie silently followed Ryan into an empty on call room, trying to get her thoughts together. She had thought about what she would say to him a thousand times, but now she had no idea what to say.

"I think you know what I want to talk to you about," said Ryan, he seemed really mad. She always expected him to be mad, but not just mad, she'd expected him to be shocked or something, but he just looked pissed.

"Uh… no," said Ellie unconvincingly. She was trying to buy some time to think.

"Oh drop the act, I know you too well. At least I used to. You are punishing Mandy because I'm marrying her, and not only is that childish but it is unprofessional using your authority…"

"Hold it," Ellie interrupted. "This is about your little intern?"

"You have her doing rectal exams all day, and don't bother saying you didn't know she was my fiancée, your entire family runs this place," shouted Ryan.

"The intern was late rounds, I'm tough on all my interns. I treated her like I would any other intern because that is what she is: just another intern," said Ellie.

"But…"

"And don't you dare tell me how to do my job! How I handle my interns is my business!"

"I just…"

"Do you fight all the interns battles for them?" said Ellie, now she was pissed. "I thought not, so maybe it's you that is guilty of preferential treatment, not me!" Then she stormed out slamming the door behind her.

---------------------------------------------

"Ellie? Elle?" Ryan called later that day.

"What?" she snapped. She had been in a foul mood since she had last spoke to Ryan. "I lost a patient this morning, got puked on and had interns whining all day. I am really not in the mood to be called an unprofessional bitch again, so can you wait until tomorrow?"

"I wanted to apologise for this morning," he said. "I was out of line."

"You were."

"I know and I am sorry," he said sincerely. "I hope we can get along since we'll be working together. We used to be friends…"

"We used to be a lot of things," snapped Ellie.

"What I'm saying is, I want us to get along, at least as colleagues."

"Yeah me too," said Ellie. She knew they wouldn't be friends or anything, but they would at least be able to be civil to one another.

"ELLIE!!" they heard two little girls scream.

"What are you three doing here?" laughed Ellie.

Tilly and Grace were now eight. Tilly was exactly like Addison had been when she was younger, quiet, shy and studious. Tilly had bright red hair and big green eyes. Grace was more like Ellie used to be, she was always in trouble. She looked like a mini version of Ellie, with a few of Meredith's delicate features thrown in. The two of them were all but dragging Chris down the hall.

"Daddy got us out of daycare for lunch," said Tilly.

"What did you two do?" said Ellie. She didn't sound mad, more amused than anything. Chris was not dressed in the clothes he had been that morning: he was dressed in what seemed to be a fairy costume and had glitter on his face.

"He wanted to sit at the girls' table, so we made him a girl," said Grace innocently.

"You did not have to turn him into a girl," said Ellie.

"Mummy," said Chris quietly.

"Yeah, what is it?" she asked, crouching down to eye level.

"Special Grandpa is angry at me," he said almost fearfully. He had two Grandpa's, he called Derek Grandpa and Mark Special Grandpa. Addison was Grammy and Meredith was just Meri.

"Why would he be angry with you?" said Ellie, completely forgetting that Ryan was there.

"He said I would be five next week and I have to play boy games," said Chris on the verge of tears. He was sensitive like Ryan, he even looked him he had the same sparkling eyes, and button nose. The only real difference between them was their hair, Chris had inherited the black curly Shepherd hair.

"What have I told you about Special Grandpa?" said Ellie.

"Um… don't listen to him unless he has candy."

"That's my boy," smiled Ellie. "Now you three run along and give Special Grandpa a few more gray hairs. I'll pick you up at five."

"Okay Mummy," said Chris, hugging Ellie and then running off with Tilly and Grace.

"Mummy?" said Ryan, watching Chris go. "You must have grown up. Is that… I mean… never mind."

-----------------------------------------

That night at five, Ellie went down to Daycare to pick up Chris. She found Ryan was already there, standing in the doorway watching Chris. He hadn't asked Ellie if Chris was his, but she could tell he was thinking about it. She had caught him staring at her a few times that day, as if he was trying to work out what she was thinking. She walked up behind him, and watched Chris over his shoulder.

"Either ask me or walk away," she said quietly.

Ryan turned to face her, he looked into her eyes searching for the truth. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know the truth. It had taken him so long to get over Ellie, and he didn't want to rake it all back up. Then there was Mandy, too.

"Honey, what are you doing down here?" said Mandy suddenly appearing. "Oh Dr. Shepherd?"

"I just needed to update Dr. Shepherd on the patient in 2340," said Ryan.

Then he walked away.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 

The next day Ryan was searching for Ellie. He had been up all night thinking and he had to ask her if her son was his. He should never have walked away yesterday, he knew that he had walked away too many times. He had caught a glimpse of the boy when Ellie had brought him in that morning, and he just knew he was his son. He felt it, and all he needed was Ellie to confirm it. But Ellie seemed to have disappeared, obviously hiding from him.

Ellie was writing up her post-op notes in an empty exam room, praying that Ryan wouldn't walk in. She couldn't face him, not after yesterday. She just wanted to run and hide, which is what she had been doing all day. Then her pager went off, she had to go.

Ellie was paged '911', so she ran to the patient's room. She couldn't remember what patient it was, but she figured one of her patients must have changed rooms. She burst into the room to find only Ryan sitting next to an unconscious patient.

"I was paged," she gasped. "Isn't he almost brain dead?"

"Uh yeah, according to his chart," said Ryan, getting up and closing the door behind Ellie. He didn't want her to run again.

"So why did I get paged?" said Ellie, grabbing his chart. "He's stable."

"I paged you."

"Why? The patient is fine… all but dead, but stable."

"I didn't page you about the patient," said Ryan impatiently.

"Oh… then why did you page me?"

"Is he mine?"

"Oh… right," said Ellie slowly. She hadn't been expecting him to bring that up again. She thought he didn't want to know, that he had moved on and didn't want to be reminded of their past.

"Is he?"

"Yes," said Ellie simply.

Ryan gasped slightly and took a step back, looking completely stunned. He couldn't even begin to explain how he was feeling. There was so many questions he wanted to ask. Why hadn't she told him? They might still be together if she had told him. He had a five-year-old son he had never met. There was no way to make this right.

"Why? Fuck, Ellie!" shouted Ryan. "What the…"

"I… meant to tell you… I really did but…" said Ellie, dreading what would happen next. She knew Ryan was furious and he had every right to be, she hated it when he was angry with her and she had never seen him this mad.

"What the… how…" Ryan's nonsense shouting was interrupted by Ellie's pager going off again.

"I have to go, this is an actual patient… later?" she said, pushing past Ryan and leaving.

--------------------------------------------------

By the time Ellie scrubbed out of her surgery, her heart was still pounding. She knew she would have to talk to Ryan, and sort out access if he wanted it. He was going to be livid with her and she would have to answer his questions and give him an explanation. And then there was Chris she would have to explain his Dad finally being in his life. Ellie was grown up, and she hated it. Things were so much easier when she was a kid, before the drugs had messed her up, obviously.

"Well, that was an impressive surgery," a male voice said behind Ellie. She froze when she heard it; she dried her hands but didn't turn round. "Nice ass in scrubs too. If I has know there was such a hottie here, I would have signed a contract months ago instead of curing AIDS in Africa," the voice continued.

"You asshole! You better be there when I turn round because I have had the worst day…" said Ellie. Then she felt a pair of arms slip round her waist and someone's hot breath on her ear.

"Turn round then."

Ellie turned round and squealed in delight when she saw who it was. She threw her arms around his neck and he picked her up and spun her round.

"It's great to see you too, Elle," he laughed.

He being Dr. Dylan Craig. Ellie and Dylan had been interns together in New York, they had had a fling for a few months but broke up when Dylan joined Doctors without Borders and had gone to Africa. They had seen each other a few times a year since he had left, they were friends but had fooled around a few times since they broke up.

"I can't believe you're here, why didn't you call and tell me you would be in Seattle?" she said when he put her back on the ground.

"I wanted it to be a surprise… and what happened to Mercy West?" said Dylan, his eyes shining with happiness. He had always had a soft spot for Ellie.

"Step-Daddy made me an offer I couldn't refuse," she laughed. "It's only my second day."

"And it's my first, I'm the new Cardio resident."

"You left Doctors without Borders?" she gasped.

"Yeah I left… I thought it was time I came back to see my favorite Neurosurgeon."

"I am so glad you are here," said Ellie, hugging Dylan again.

"So it seems," said Dylan, stroking Ellie's hair. She didn't really do hugs so he knew something was wrong with her. "What have you done now? You haven't fallen out with your Dad again have you? You know he's your boss too, you can't go another five years without talking to him again."

"No me and Dad are fine," said Ellie quietly, still hugging him hard.

"Then what's up?"

"I told Chris' dad about him two hours ago," she confessed.

"Ah… I didn't get here too soon then."

"No, if anything you're a little late."

----------------------------------------------------

"Hey squirt, look at you," said Dylan. He and Ellie had just collected Chris from daycare.

"DYLAN!" shouted Chris, running to his open arms.

"You're so big now," said Dylan, picking Chris up. "Look at you…you're practically a man now."

"I'm nearly five," said Chris proudly.

"Yeah you're five in… three days," said Dylan, proud that he had remembered the exact date.

"I'm having a party… will you come to my party?" said Chris, who remembered that Dylan was only ever in town for a few weeks.

"I wouldn't miss it, squirt," said Dylan, putting Chris down. He had spotted Ryan watching him, Ellie had pointed Ryan out to him while she was trying to rehearse what she was going to say.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Ellie, catching up to them.

"Dylan is coming to my party," said Chris excitedly. "Can we play catch again?"

"Of course we can," said Dylan. He truly did adore Chris, he had known him since he was a baby and enjoyed playing games with him.

"So how long exactly have you been in town?" asked Ellie. She hadn't spotted Ryan yet.

"Flew in last night," said Dylan, taking Chris' bag from her.

"So you haven't found a place yet?"

"No… I'm homeless," he sighed dramatically. "I'll just have to check into a hotel."

"You can stay with us," said Ellie, then she added pointedly. "In the guest room."

"Aw… way to ruin my fun," he pouted.

"I'm sorry," laughed Ellie.

"I would love the guest room, thank you," said Dylan.

"You're welcome," said Ellie, then she spotted Ryan. "I uh, better… go and pretend to be a grown up for a few minutes."

"Okay, I'll take Chris out to my car and meet you at your place," said Dylan. He remembered where Ellie lived from his last visit.

"Alright, I'll be right behind you."

"Can I sit in the front?" asked Chris eagerly.

"No, you can't," said Ellie.

"Your Mum is right," said Dylan seriously, but when Ellie wasn't looking he winked at Chris. "See you soon, Ellie."

"I'm serious about the front seat!" she called after them.

"Don't you trust me?" Dylan called back.

"About as far as I could throw you!" Ellie called. Ryan was fast approaching her.

"That looked very cosy," he said stiffly. "Your boyfriend?"

"Just a friend," said Ellie, not seeing how it was Ryan's business.

"We are going to talk," said Ryan, shaking with rage, as well as jealousy. He hated seeing someone playing happy families with his son and Ellie. "You are not going to run away from this again."

"Fine… we'll talk when you've calmed down and can be civil," said Ellie, knowing that if they talked now they would both lose their tempers and say things they didn't mean.

"Now!" Ryan growled.

"No… give me a call when you're calm," said Ellie, giving him a piece of paper with her number on it. "I'll be happy to discuss this at a more appropriate time and place."

"I'm not going away."

"Fine," said Ellie, then she stomped out to the parking lot.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"I'm looking for a Dr. Eleanor Shepherd," said a delivery man. Ellie had just finished rounding with her interns. She hadn't seen Ryan since she told him she would talk to him when he had calmed down, the night before.

"That's me," said Ellie. "Why am I getting a package at work?"

"I just need you to sign here," said the delivery man.

"Okay," said Ellie reluctantly. She signed his papers and he handed her an envelope. Ellie immediately saw a Lawyers stamp on the envelope. "Okay you all have your assignments, get on with it!"

----------------------------------------

"Mum!" Ellie called later that day. Her shift had just finished, she was wearing jeans and a red top instead of her scrubs. "I need your shoes."

"Pardon?" said Addison. She wasn't as surprised as she should be, she knew how on edge Ellie was since starting work at Seattle Grace even though it was only her second day.

"Your shoes… your high heels, I need to borrow them for a bit."

"Why?"

"Take a look for yourself," said Ellie, handing Addison the letter. It was a letter from a lawyer Ryan had hired, demanding access to Chris and an application to put Ryan's name on his birth certificate.

"What a mess! Didn't you tell him his name was already on the certificate?" said Addison, frowning at Ellie.

"I didn't get a chance… he was so mad, I told him I would talk to him when he calmed down and then I got this!" said Ellie furiously.

"You have to go and talk to him before this gets out of hand. They're threatening to take this to court," said Addison, scanning the papers.

"Let him… he wouldn't have a leg to stand on!"

"Ellie," Addison sighed.

"I know… be a grown up and talk about it maturely. Be remorseful, I should have told him five years ago and I deserve everything he's going to throw at me," said Ellie, not amused at all.

"You did what you thought was best, don't let him walk all over you. But try and at least pretend you're a reasonable human being. Don't through a tantrum and stamp your feet, you're not a child," said Addison, taking off her shoes and swapping with Ellie. "But why the shoes?"

"I feel more empowered in heels, you know that."

"Of course, how could I forget?" said Addison sarcastically.

---------------------------------------

Ellie found Ryan alone in a conference room doing paperwork. She stormed in, taking him by surprise.

"What the hell is this?" she hissed, throwing the papers at him. "This is low."

"Well you weren't prepared to talk about it, so…"

"You were in no state to talk calmly and rationally!" Ellie shouted. She grabbed the chair he was sitting on and spun in round so hard Ryan had to hold on to stop himself from falling off. "If you want to play dirty, we can play dirty. I will tie this up in the courts for so long, you'll be lucky to get near him before he graduates!"

Then Ellie stormed off, carrying herself very well for someone who was almost shaking with rage and wearing the most uncomfortable six inch heels ever. Ryan just sat there watching her, trying to remember what had possessed him to hire a lawyer.

"That was not exactly what I meant," said Addison, who had been watching.

"Well I lost my temper, I get that way when someone wants to take my son," snapped Ellie.

"Don't take it out on me."

"Sorry," snapped Ellie, still fuming.

"Ellie, brain tumor, room 2416," said Mark.

"She is no state…" started Addison.

"I'll take it," said Ellie, grabbing the chart and storming off again.

"That is not a good idea," Addison said to Mark.

"Are you kidding, it's a great idea! All that adrenaline pumping through her veins? She'll clear the board in a few hours."

"Should I be mad that you are exploiting my daughters emotions?" asked Addison.

"No, you should applaud my brilliance," said Mark. "Trust me, I have a feeling this is exactly what she needs to calm down."

"You and your damn feelings, you better be right!"

"From what I remember you weren't complaining about my 'feelings' last night," Mark whispered.

"Alright I'm leaving now," said Addison, blushing. She wandered off, leaving Mark laughing at her embarrassment.

-----------------------------------------

Ellie scrubbed out of her fourth consecutive surgery, and she finally felt calm enough to think properly. Just as she was collecting her thoughts, her pager went off. Once again when she got to the room, she found an unconscious patient and Ryan waiting for her.

"I am going to stop answering my pages," she said, closing the door behind her.

"Oh good, you seem less… frightening," said Ryan.

"And you seem less of an asshole," she snapped.

"Can't we please just be civil? I'm sorry I sent the letter, I shouldn't have done that… you just make me so… anyway I'm sorry and I want to talk calmly, rationally and maturely," said Ryan, knowing he had to be the one to keep his temper in check, because Ellie always lost it quicker than he did. He had to stay calm to keep her calm.

"Fine, I get off in an hour we can talk then," she sighed, remembering that she was the one in the wrong.

"Alright, I'll meet you downstairs," said Ryan.

"Okay," said Ellie, leaving.

-------------------------------------------------

"Will you please stop pacing? You're giving me a headache," moaned Dylan. Ellie was waiting for Ryan; he was ten minutes late and she was anxious to talk to him and get it over with.

"If you can't say anything helpful don't say anything at all," she snapped.

"Oh calm down," said Dylan, pulling his arms around Ellie's waist and pulling her down. He placed her in between his legs like a child. "Have some coffee," he ordered, giving her his coffee.

"Is it black?" she pouted.

"Of course."

"Well… alright."

"Just relax, he isn't going to be able to take Chris. You are in control, as always, just tell him he can see Chris at weekends and during school holidays," said Dylan, playing with Ellie's hair.

"Are you braiding my hair?"

"I'm trying to, it's too damn curly," said Dylan, obviously trying to concentrate hard.

"You'll knot it again," she moaned.

"I won't," said Dylan.

"Hem hem," Ryan cleared his throat.

"Oh right," said Ellie, looking up. She hadn't even noticed he was there.

"You okay? I can come with you," Dylan said, softly into her ear.

"I'll fine, you have a triple bypass to get to," said Ellie, getting up. "I'll see you at home later."

"Okay, but call me if you need me," said Dylan sternly.

"I won't," said Ellie.

--------------------------------

An hour later, Ellie and Ryan were back at the hospital. They had actually managed to have a civil conversation; they had talked calmly and rationally. Ellie told him he was already on Chris' birth certificate. Ryan would have Chris at weekends, during the day only at first, once Chris was used to Ryan he would spend the night at his place.

"Do you want to meet him now?" Ellie asked. Ryan still had more of his shift to work. But Ellie was finished and had just come back to pick up Chris.

"Now? Yeah I'd love to meet him," said Ryan, his face lighting up.

"Okay I'll just go and get him. I'll explain to him tonight about the whole Dad thing… I mean he knows he has a Dad, he just never really asked about it all that much," rambled Ellie.

"Alright, you talk to him and explain it. You know him better than me," said Ryan, slightly bitter.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you," said Ellie guiltily.

"I know," he said.

"I did try and call…"

"When? When did you try to call?"

"A few weeks after I left, when I decided to keep him. I called a bunch of times but I guess you were screening your calls," said Ellie. Ryan nodded; he had still been too mad at her then to talk to her, now he wished he had. "I called again when he was born but… someone else answered your phone and I chickened out. I know I'm making excuses but I intended to tell you, I always planned on telling you. I just left it too late."

"There is no excuse Ellie, you should have found a way to tell me. You didn't have to run off to New York," Ryan said.

"I know and I can only apologise."

"An apology doesn't give me five years with my son."

Ellie hung her head, there was no defense and nothing she could say to that. "I'll go and get Chris."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

"Mummy?" asked Chris. They were in the car on the way to the hospital. Ellie had explained to him about Ryan, that he was his dad and would be spending time with him.

"Yeah?"

"You know how I have a Daddy now?"

"Yeah?"

"And he has another house?"

"Where are you going with this, sweetie?" asked Ellie. She thought she had explained everything to him.

"Is it like Tilly's mum and Dad? Grammy and Special Grandpa… they have different houses but…" said Chris, who seemed to have confused himself.

"Yeah it's like Grammy and Special Grandpa, they are still Tilly's Mummy and Daddy but they have different houses."

"Will I have to stay with him?"

"Not right away. You'll always live with me, but you can stay some nights with your Dad," said Ellie, picking her words very carefully.

"Do I have to? What if he doesn't like me? What if he isn't nice?" asked Chris fearfully.

"He is nice and you don't have to do anything you don't want to, I promise. And he will love you, who wouldn't?" Ellie reassured him.

"You'll stay won't you?" said Chris.

"I'll be there the whole time."

"Okay."

"That's us here," said Ellie, pulling into her parking spot. "Your Dad is right over there."

"You won't leave me?"

"No I won't leave you," said Ellie, lifting him out his car seat.

Ryan watched as Ellie walked towards him, Chris was holding onto her hand like his life depended on it. Ellie had told him to expect him to be shy at first, apparently he was like that with all new people he met.

"You remember Ry—your Dad?" said Ellie, when she was standing in front of Ryan.

Chris nodded, almost hiding behind Ellie.

"Say hello," she urged.

"Hi," he squeaked.

"Hi… I thought we could go to park down the street and get some ice cream," said Ryan.

"Alright. You love the park don't you?" said Ellie, trying to coax Chris into opening up.

"Uh huh," said Chris, following Ryan but keeping hold of Ellie's hand. "Can I have chocolate ice cream?"

"Before lunch?" said Ellie.

"Please!" whined Chris.

"Yeah, come on Elle, just this once," said Ryan, knowing Ellie would never tell him he couldn't have ice cream.

"Well… alright just this once," said Ellie.

"Yay! Can I have chocolate?" shouted Chris, and he let go of Ellie's hand.

"That was easier than I thought," said Ellie quietly to herself.

-----------------------------------------------------

"So how did it go?" asked Dylan. Ellie and Ryan had just put Chris into daycare.

"Fine, he played on the swings and had ice cream," said Ellie.

"So he was alright… talking not being shy," said Dylan.

"Yes he was fine," said Ryan defensively.

"I didn't mean to offend you, I just know how shy he can be. It took him three weeks to even speak to me," said Dylan.

"Well he was fine with me," said Ryan.

"Alright," said Dylan, slipping his arm round Ellie's waist. "I'm glad he was okay then."

"What did I tell you?" said Ellie, slipping out of his arms.

"Um… I'm the hottest guy you've ever slept with and you want to do it every hour, on the hour," said Dylan.

"I believe it was don't touch what you'll never have," said Ellie.

"Right… I have to go," said Ryan stiffly, marching off. He knew it was wrong and stupid but he really didn't like Dylan talking to Ellie like that. And he really hated that Dylan knew Chris better than he did.

------------------------------------------

"Henderson!" Ellie shouted later that day. When Ryan heard her, he tried to duck behind Mandy. "Don't even try it! Donnelly, move!"

And sure enough the dutiful intern moved revealing a cowering Ryan.

"Don't try and hide behind _my_ intern," said Ellie.

"Something I can help you with, Dr Shepherd?" said Ryan, his voice suddenly very squeaky.

"I just checked my voicemail, you know what I found?" said Ellie, not amused in the least.

"Ummm… no," said Ryan innocently.

"A message from your mother, she wants Chris _and me_ to go to family brunch on Sunday. Why do I have to go?" said Ellie.

"Oh I got invited to brunch too, apparently it's a big thing… all the family and everything," said Mandy.

"It is," said Ellie. "If you two are going, Chris can go with you."

"Mum asked specifically that you come," said Ryan. "And Chris will need you, you said he doesn't like meeting lots of new people…"

"Why does she want me to go? She hated me, I'm guessing she hates me even more now," whined Ellie.

"No, she's looking forward to seeing you again and meeting Chris," said Ryan. "And I know my brothers want to see you."

Ellie smiled, Ryan had three younger brothers and all of them loved Ellie. "Alright I'll go… but I'm leaving early."

"Fine," said Ryan. "Don't freak out, Mum really is okay. She can't wait to meet Chris."

"Hmm... I don't buy it," said Ellie, not at all convinced. Ryan's Mum was very over protective of her oldest son, he was the sensitive Mummy's boy.

"You have to face her at some point," said Ryan.

"I hate you," said Ellie immaturely.

"So you know all his family?" said Mandy, biting her bottom lip. There was something a little too familiar about the way Ryan and Ellie interacted with each other; clearly they had a lot of history and Ryan was acting like he had completely forgiven her for not telling him about Chris and he had gone in the huff for over a week when Mandy broke his favorite mug.

"Yeah, I know them," said Ellie, realising that Mandy hadn't met them. "You've never met them?"

"No."

"You'll be fine, just don't wear anything slutty and compliment Ryan all the time to his mother. The brothers are cool. Don't look so nervous," said Ellie kindly.

"She's right," said Ryan, squeezing Mandy's shoulder.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"What is going on there?" asked Ellie to Mark. Ryan and Mandy were in Mark's office arguing. Mandy was in tears and hitting Ryan, who just seemed clueless.

"I don't know but I hope they don't break anything," said Mark, who, like Ellie, was watching from a distance. "Maybe he was cheating."

"No, not Ryan," said Ellie, unable to tear her eyes away from the fighting couple.

"Why is Chris in there crying?" said Mark.

"Chris is there? With them? While she kicks his ass?" said Ellie incredulously, straining her neck to get a better look.

"Yeah, under the desk," said Mark, pointing. "He's really crying, you should go and get him."

"What the hell is Ryan thinking?! Getting Chris caught up in his domestics, he was meant to be in daycare ten minutes ago!" muttered Ellie angrily.

"What the hell is going on?!" she said, bursting into the office. She stared at Ryan for a moment with an enraged glare that could've melted titanium before turning her attention to Chris. "Come on honey, I'll take you to daycare."

Chris ran out from under the desk into Elle's arms, and she picked him up.

"This is a hospital, take your domestics home or at least don't have them in front of my son in an office with glass walls!" she snapped.

"If you weren't holding a kid I would…" said Mandy, tears streaming down her face.

"You would what?" interrupted Ellie. "Need I remind you that I am your resident? Oh I dare you, piss me off and you won't see the inside of an OR for a year."

"You might be my resident but you're still a whore," shouted Mandy.

"What the hell!" shouted Ellie, who had no idea what was going on. She put Chris down and spotted Derek across the hall. "Honey, go and ask Grandpa to take you to daycare."

"Mummy, I don't like her," said Chris, sniffing.

"I know, I'll come down and see you in a little while," said Ellie. "Don't cry, it'll be okay."

"Alright Mummy," said Chris. Ellie shut the office door behind Chris, and watching him as Derek took his hand and led him away.

"What the hell is going on? And why am I being dragged into it?" said Ellie to Ryan.

"You're screwing my fiancé, FOUR WEEKS before our wedding!" screamed Mandy.

"I'm what?" said Ellie as thought that was the most deluded thing she'd ever heard.

"You and him!" Cried Mandy pointing furiously at them both.

"Ryan?" said Ellie, completely lost.

"I was trying to explain…" he said pathetically.

"There is NO way to explain that you got her knocked up AGAIN!" shouted Mandy.

"Now I'm pregnant?!"

"ONE AT A TIME!" shouted Ryan.

"That little Mummy's boy told me that he was having a brother or sister and Daddy was marrying Mummy instead!"

"You say one more thing about my son and I will throw you out of that window!" said Ellie dangerously.

"She's right, leave Chris out of this!" said Ryan.

"You would stick up for _her!_"

"Donnelly, shut up!" snapped Ellie. "There is nothing between me and Ryan anymore, nothing at all! Chris is a child, he tells stories! I have barely been working here for a week, not really enough time to rekindle a long dead romance and find out about a pregnancy."

"Oh… but… why would he say that?" said Mandy, suddenly feeling immensely stupid.

"He is five, and confused about suddenly having a father in his life. I will talk to him," said Ellie.

"So there is…"

"Nothing going on," said Ryan.

"Can the dramatics cease now?" said Ellie. "Get back to work now! You're on scut!"

-------------------------------------

"Mum am I being unreasonable? Please tell me if you think I'm being irrational," said Ellie, she was pacing in Addison's office.

"No Ellie, you're not being unreasonable," said Addison. "What happened this morning was totally unacceptable. Chris should not have been put in the middle of that."

"Good, so I'm right," said Ellie. "I'm not being a childish brat."

"No, you're not."

"Okay good, I just needed someone mature and reasonable to tell me that I'm right," said Ellie.

----------------------------------------

"Elle, wait up," Ryan called. Ellie had just picked up Chris and was on her way out to the parking lot. Ellie slowed down and waited for Ryan to catch up.

"What's up?" she asked.

"I want to apologise for earlier, Mandy shouldn't have said those things or dragged you into our argument," said Ryan.

"Is that it?"

"Uh… yeah I'm sorry," said Ryan.

"Right… well I have to talk to you about a few things then."

"What things?" asked Ryan.

"We can talk about it when there aren't little ears listening," said Ellie, indicating Chris.

"No problem, Chris can come with me while you two talk," Dylan said, appearing from nowhere.

"Right… are you sure?" asked Ellie, who was definitely nervous.

"Of course," said Dylan, taking Chris's hand. "Come on little guy, let's go and draw those plans for your tree house."

"I haven't agreed to the tree house yet," said Ellie sternly.

"Mummy…" whined Chris.

"Can't we draw plans just in case?" said Dylan, who knew that they could eventually convince her.

"Fine," said Ellie.

"Good luck," Dylan whispered to her before lifting Chris and carrying him over to the waiting area.

"Alright, what do you want to talk to me about? I have dinner plans with Mandy in half an hour," said Ryan, not seeing what Ellie was getting worked up about.

"I want to talk to you about Chris. I don't want him to be around you and Mandy…"

"Now wait a minute…" started Ryan angrily.

"Let me finish. I am not stopping you from seeing him, but this morning was totally out of line…"

"I apologised…"

"Chris was hiding under the desk in tears while she screamed and threw things. I do not want my son in that situation again… you forgot to take him to Daycare. Your relationship is none of my business until it affects Chris, he has never been around something like that and I don't ever want him to be again. So you can see Chris, of course you can, but only if you take him to public places or spend time with him at my place. I don't want him around both you and Mandy, and it's not because I don't like her, I don't know her… but Chris comes first and I will not have him terrified like that again."

"I'm sorry, we aren't normally like that."

"I don't care. Chris is scared and I won't have him being around someone that scares him," said Ellie firmly.

"He's scared?"

"Yes, he still isn't used to you yet and you had to let him see that."

"I'm sorry," said Ryan, seeing Ellie's point.

"I talked to him about what he said, he was confused. I was talking to Dr. Hahn and she asked me if I was planning any more kids, I told her yes and Chris doesn't really get the concept of half-brother and sisters… surprising considering my family. He was confused and he said sorry."

"Right… can I go and talk to him?"

"That's not a good idea right now," said Ellie. "Why don't you come over tomorrow for lunch? You can talk and bond."

"Right okay, thank you."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Ryan was at the address Ellie had given him, he was going to spend the afternoon with Chris at Ellie's house. It was not what he had expected at all, they lived in the suburbs in huge white Victorian house. They had a large driveway leading to a big double garage, he could see Ellie's silver SUV, and a red sports car which he assumed was Dylan's. He could hear Chris giggling, from somewhere outside, but the yard was fenced off so he thought it would be safer to just ring the doorbell. It wasn't the sort of house he had expected, he never thought that Ellie had wanted to live in the suburbs with a white picket fence and the double garage. She had always been a city girl.

Ryan rang the doorbell and few seconds later Ellie answered it. She looked different than she did at the hospital, she looked like the old Ellie. She was wearing baggy jeans, a white vest top and man's gray hoodie. Her black curly hair was pulled back into a messy pony tail, with loose strands falling over onto her face.

"Hi," she said smiling. That was another difference, Ryan hadn't seen Ellie properly smile since she came back.

"Hi, I'm not too early am I?" he said.

"Not at all. Come in," said Ellie letting him in.

Ryan was further surprised, inside the house was gorgeous white walls, oak floors with bright modern furniture. It was immaculate yet lived in, there was toys lying on the stairs and scrubs hanging on the radiator. There was lots of pictures of Chris, Ellie and their family. It was exactly the sort of house Ryan always pictured raising his family in, not the apartment he shared with Mandy, it wasn't child friendly.

"Nice house," he said.

"Not exactly what you expected though," said Ellie, she always could see right through him.

"No, you were never really the white picket fence type," he said.

"I'm not I just loved this house, and so does Chris."

"Where is Chris?" he asked, he was desperate to see him. Ryan was devastated when Ellie had told him that he was afraid of him.

"Out in the yard with Dylan, they talked me into the tree house," said Ellie leading him into the huge kitchen.

"A treehouse?"

"Apparently every little boy needs a hideout," said Ellie.

Ryan looked out the window, and saw Dylan and Chris circling a huge Oak tree, with hard hats on and toolbelts.

"I'm going to have to hire someone to build the thing," Ellie joked. "he might be a damn good surgeon but a handyman he is not. He couldn't even buy the right light bulbs!"

"They look like they are having fun," Ryan commented.

"Yeah they do," said Ellie then she paused and continued. "Are you alright? I was pretty harsh yesterday and a little hypocritical I have a temper but…I just…"

"I get it, I know you have a temper but Chris never sees you really losing it like that," said Ryan.

"Exactly, I just want to protect him."

"I know so do I…it's just I don't seem to be very good at this. I never doubted that I would be a good Dad but…" said Ryan.

"You will be a great Dad, it's not even been a week stop beating yourself up. This has just been thrown on you, you'll get used to it," said Ellie.

"I'm not so sure."

"Trust me, just give it time. I wasn't great when he first born, I just couldn't seem to bond with him he was just something tiny and scary. But it'll happen…everything little thing you do you think how it will affect him, and you'll love him so much it will scare the crap out of you."

"You think?"

"I know." Said Ellie confidently. "You want to go out and 'help', Dylan has promised to be on his best behavior. I'll be out with lunch in five minutes."

"Okay."

------------------------------------------

"Mummy!" Chris called. He had been out in the yard with Ryan all day, the tree house was not built but they had picked the spot they wanted to put it.

"Ahhhh what is it?" groaned Ellie, she rolled off her bed and went down stairs.

"Look Mummy a ladybug," said Chris holding out his muddy hand with a ladybug on it.

"A ladybug? Chris that is gross, I told you to keep your bugs in the garage," said Ellie.

"Sorry Mummy," said Chris. "But a ladybug is clean because boy bugs are dirtier."

"Creepy crawlies freak Mummy out," said Ellie.

"Okay. Can I keep her as a pet?"

"You can have as many pets as you want as long as they are in the garage," said Ellie.

"Will the puppy stay in the garage?"

"No the puppy will eat the ladybugs, so the puppy can stay in the house."

"You're getting a puppy?" asked Ryan. "Very conventional."

"Yes I bought a puppy, it's in puppy school just now we get it next week," said Ellie.

"Puppy school?" said Ryan looking amused.

"Yes puppy school, it trains them not the bite, to pee outside and to not chew my shoes."

"You've become very Stepford Wife in your old age."

"Yeah, I have the five year old keeping bugs in the garage. The ex boyfriend climbing trees with a hammer in his hand and I poke around brains all day…my life is completely average."

"It looks surprisingly normal to me," laughed Ryan.

"You should be here in the morning," said Ellie. "Honestly I think Chris sleepwalks and moves everything every night."

"No I don't," protested Chris.

"I know," said Ellie kindly, then she wrinkled her nose and added. "Now take the bug into the garage and wash your hands."

"Okay," said Chris walking back outside.

"You really are a grown up now," said Ryan staring intently at Ellie. Only then had it hit him that she really had changed, she was still Ellie but somehow different more comfortable in her own skin and not as angry.

"I know," she smiled. "We both are."

"Scary."

"Terrifying."

"You look great, I mean seriously amazing," said Ryan he hadn't really meant to say it out loud.

"Thank you," said Ellie blushing a little, which was really not something she did but Ryan always did affect her differently from any other men. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Mister…Um Dad…" called Chris from the garden. "Come help!"

"I better get out there," said Ryan happy that Chris had called him Dad even if he did have to correct himself.

"Yeah you better because if he brings that bug in here I will freak...they are so creepy."

So Ryan went to help Chris, who had dropped the precious lady bug, and wanted his pet back.

* * *

**I know it's been a while since I updated this story but I have the rest of it planned out now, there is an end in sight in about another seven or eight chapters.**

**I almost abandoned this story because I didn't get ANY reviews for the last chapter. I know this is an OC story and therefore less people read so I won't be greedy.**

**FIVE REVIEWS AND THEN I WILL UPDATE!!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks to all my reviewers for the last chapter - harmony, controversy-queen, lovely-whisper, lily212121, Seattlegrrl, EscapismRocks, Ryely, Queen Satan. **

**Chapter 28**

"Hey Shepherd!"

"What do you want?" Ellie called.

She was on her way home after her shift, Chris was at a sleepover and Dylan had hooked up with some student nurse. It had been three weeks since Ryan had started to see Chris and he finally felt like he really was his Dad, and that they were father and son. Ryan and Mandy's wedding was in a week's time.

"Where are you going?" called Craig Smith, a plastic surgeon. He was one of Ryan's friends and therefore had once been one of Ellie's.

"Home to sleep," she called.

"Where's the kid?"

"What is this twenty questions?" laughed Ellie, as Craig skipped over to her. "He is having a sleepover with a friend."

"Come for a drink with us," he said, taking her hand.

"I think you've had enough."

"Nuh uh, come on. Karev is getting too cocky and whipping our asses at pool, you need to show him how it's really done."

"Fine, one drink," said Ellie, walking across to Joe's.

---------------------------------------

A few hours later Ellie was slightly drunk. She had beaten anyone brave enough to take her on, as she had spent a lot of time in bars when she was younger, and now considered herself a pool champion.

"So no more takers?" said Ellie, arrogantly looking round.

"I'll try," said Ryan, coming into the bar.

"A worthy opponent, at last," said Ellie. "Alright Henderson, let's see what you've got."

"Get ready to get your ass whipped, Shepherd," said Ryan, taking off his coat and signaling to Joe to bring him a drink.

-------------------------------------------

"You," shouted Ryan, "are bad influence on me!"

He and Ellie were both hammered at this point. Joes had just closed and they had just both stumbled out.

"I am not," giggled Ellie, holding onto the wall to stay up.

"You are too, I just came in for one beer."

"I didn't shove the Tequila down your throat."

"But… you challenged my pool technique and we all know I taught you how to play," Ryan slurred.

"Sure you did," said Ellie, rolling her eyes. "Where are the cabs? We shouldn't drive."

"NO we shouldn't," said Ryan. "But I can't see cabs."

"We could call cabs," said Ellie, fumbling around in her bag trying to find her cell phone.

"Or we could relive our youth and walk through the city of Seattle," suggested Ryan. He was having more fun than he had had in a long time and didn't want it to end. "Like we used to, remember?"

"I live at least a half hour away in that direction," said Ellie, pointing left. "And you live that way… a long way that way."

"It's fine I'll walk you home first then I'll go home," said Ryan. "I couldn't possibly let a lady like you wander around yourself in a big city."

"Oh please I'll be fine… it's you that should watch out. You used to crap your pants whenever you heard anything at night," laughed Ellie. "You're still a little suburban boy at heart."

"Well I thought you were a city girl and now you live in a suburb with a white fence… I was seriously shocked, I always thought you'd live in an apartment forever," said Ryan, taking Ellie's hand and starting to walk.

"Well Chris isn't a fan of heights… he hated the skyscrapers in New York. It seems our little boy is suburban too… pretty inconvenient really."

-----------------------------------------------

"What the hell is this?" shouted Ryan. "Are you sure you live here? This isn't the neighbor's house or something?"

"What do you mean?" laughed Ellie.

They had arrived at Ellie's house a few minutes ago, and Ellie was dumping her bag and shoes upstairs. Ryan was in the kitchen, raiding the fridge.

"I mean look at this," said Ryan, dramatically gesturing to the fridge. "You have vegetables… and food in Tupperware… no beer, no soda, nothing. You don't live here."

"I eat proper food," Ellie protested.

"No come on, you have to have a stash of junk food," said Ryan. "I will not believe that you eat _this_ when you're hungover or PMSing. Where is it?"

"Alright but you cannot ever tell Chris about this," giggled Ellie. "EVER!"

"Alright."

"Promise," said Ellie seriously, although it was less effective than usual because she fell over a nearby chair.

"I promise," laughed Ryan, helping Ellie up. "Now come on take me to the junk food."

"Okay," mumbled Ellie, holding onto Ryan's arm and she led him upstairs and into the master bedroom. "Remember, not a word to Chris."

"I promise," said Ryan, collapsing onto the bed.

"Because it's a secret. Chris thinks that broccoli with every meal is normal," Ellie giggled, slipping off the bed onto the floor.

"You've got my poor boy brainwashed."

"It's for his own good," Ellie protested. "Anyway he gets spoiled when he visits my parents and you… you gave him _soda_!"

"I had to make sure he liked me."

"He does… he's becoming a real Daddy's boy now," said Ellie, fumbling open the drawers under the bed.

"Yeah it's great now… I seriously love him."

"He loves you too," said Ellie, managing to pull the drawer open to reveal every kind of junk food imaginable. "Yayyyy!"

"FOOD!" shouted Ryan, reaching in for a bag of chips.

"YUM!" said Ellie, munching into a candy bar.

"So where is… you know that guy… Dr… Cardio guy?" said Ryan in between bites.

"Dylan?" said Ellie. "He's with a nurse… Nurse Fowler, I think."

"I thought you two were…"

"NO! We're just friends now, too much water under the whatever," Ellie insisted.

"Right," said Ryan. "You know you still manage to mess with my head, even now after five years you still fuck up my head."

"No I don't," said Ellie innocently.

"Yeah you do," said Ryan childishly.

"What do I do?"

"You confuse things and make them complicated," said Ryan as if it was obvious.

"How do I do that?" said Ellie, completely confused.

"I don't know," said Ryan, scratching his head. "All I know is that before you showed up my life was simple. I went to work and went home, I was engaged to a woman I thought I loved… we planned the wedding and then you stepped off that damn helicopter and nothing has been the same since."

"I'm sorry," said Ellie quietly. "I really didn't mean to."

"I know," said Ryan, getting off the bed and sitting next to Ellie. "I know you didn't mean to."

"I'm really sorry about Chris and not telling you… that was really horrible of me, unforgivable actually," said Ellie.

"Yeah it was," Ryan agreed. "But I can't be really mad at you, I can't resent you and not forgive you for it."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just can't, I never could," said Ryan. "Maybe because I know I drove you away in the first place."

"That is still no excuse."

"Isn't it? I wouldn't have wanted you to tell me… I treated you so badly I'm surprised you came back at all," said Ryan, looking straight ahead.

"You're being a little hard on yourself," murmured Ellie as she rubbed his arm. "It took both of us to… you know."

"I guess. But I still couldn't help but think it was me, I made you leave. I should have just talk to you about what we should do… I shouldn't have stopped talking to you, I should have come after you when you first moved out. I should have come after you in New York. I had so many chances to make things right…but I didn't. So I guess the reason I can forgive you is because it's partly my fault for being such an asshole to you."

"I played my part too," said Ellie. "I could have made you talk… the night I left I lost my temper I never intended to leave. I came to the hospital that night to fix things, I had my things in the car I wanted to come home. Instead I lost my temper and I went to the airport."

"We both screwed up, didn't we?" said Ryan. "I just couldn't understand what you wanted from me. Did you want me to talk you into keeping him? Or did you want me to let you make up your own mind? I didn't know, I guess I thought if you had space you would see that… that we could be a family."

"I wanted you to tell me that our baby wouldn't turn out like me," said Ellie quietly.

"You mean…"

"I mean I grew up with two surgeons as parents and I ended up a heroin addict at fourteen and a killer," said Ellie, almost whispering. "I wanted you to tell me that that would never happen to our baby."

"I'm sorry," said Ryan, finally understanding.

"You couldn't have known," she shrugged.

"I should have though… maybe if I had we'd…" he said, struggling to find the words to say. If he had only known what Ellie was thinking all those years ago they would have been a proper family, and he knew without a doubt that they would still be together now if he had. Chris might even have a brother or sister.

"I guess we just weren't meant to be," said Ellie sadly.

"I guess."

"Anyway this is a little depressing, isn't it?" said Ellie, trying to lighten the mood. She got to her feet and pulled Ryan to his. "It's late and you're drunk. You can stay in the guest room."

"Alright," said Ryan, still reeling from what Ellie had said. "Thanks."

"No problem… I'll show you where it is," she said.

"Wait a minute," said Ryan, grabbing her arm and pulling her into his arms. "I really loved you. I never want things to get that bad between us again because I hate not talking to you, you're my best friend. You're the only person that really knows me, even now in surgery you always know what I'm thinking and what I'm going to do."

"What about Mandy? Doesn't she know you?" said Ellie, painfully aware of his younger pretty fiancée.

"Not like you do," said Ryan, kissing the top of her head.

* * *

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	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks to all my reviewers for the last chapter - harmony, Queen Satan, controversy-queen, lily212121, HockeyDoc, Lilly, Nikki.**

**Chapter 29**

"Hey shouldn't you be at home or at your bachelor party or something?" said Ellie. She had just put Chris to bed. It was the night before Ryan's wedding, she had just answered the front door and found him on the doorstep.

"Yeah probably," sighed Ryan running his hands through his hair. "I just wanted to drop this off, Chris left it at my place." He handed Ellie one of Chris's toy fire trucks.

"You didn't have to do that, he has thousands," said Ellie.

"Yeah well I'll be gone for a week and I didn't want him to… you know I have to go on my honeymoon."

"Yeah and don't you sound thrilled about it," said Ellie.

"Yeah, I just thought I would drop it by," said Ryan. "Is he in bed?"

"Yeah he was exhausted, fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow," said Ellie.

"Right…"

"Do you want to come in? You clearly have something on your mind, we could talk."

"Are you sure? You must have things to do."

"Nothing that can't wait," said Ellie, getting a little worried by his manner. "Come in and we'll talk."

"Alright. Thanks," said Ryan, going into the house.

"Have you eaten yet? I was just going to order a pizza," said Ellie, showing him through to the living room.

"Uh, sure," said Ryan.

"Make yourself at home. I'll go order," said Ellie.

----------------------------------------------------

"So are you going to tell me what is bothering you or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" said Ellie once they had finished their pizza.

"It's nothing really," shrugged Ryan.

"I am so not convinced," she said, rolling her eyes. "If you wanted to lie, you should have gone to someone who doesn't know you as well as I do."

"Ellie really it's all… fine."

"Alright then we'll do this the hard way," she sighed. "Why aren't you at your bachelor party? I would have thought you'd be wasted by now."

"Mandy wouldn't let me have a bachelor party and I didn't push it," said Ryan dully.

"Why not?" asked Ellie. "I would have done it anyway."

"Dunno, I wasn't that bothered," he shrugged.

"Ryan, you are really starting to freak me out now," said Ellie seriously. "You are getting married tomorrow but you're sitting here looking as if your puppy just got run over. What's up?"

"Did Chris get his puppy?" asked Ryan suddenly.

"Not until next week," said Ellie. "Come on, tell me what's bugging you. You obviously came here for some reason, other than to bring back one of Chris's many fire trucks."

"I guess I just wanted to talk to you," he confessed.

"Then talk," said Ellie kindly. "I can't help you if I don't know the problem. Is it the wedding? Honeymoon nerves, what?"

"It is _not_ honeymoon nerves, there is nothing wrong in the area," Ryan quickly reassured her.

"I was just saying impotence is a very common problem, especially when you have a stressful job and an unstable sleeping pattern," said Ellie. She knew it was wrong to manipulate him like that but she wanted to know what was bothering him.

"I am NOT impotent!" said Ryan, outraged she would even think that. "I have never had any problems in that region… you should remember."

"It is nothing to be ashamed of," said Ellie, having trouble keeping a straight face.

"I am not impotent, I just don't know if I should marry Mandy."

"Now we're getting somewhere," said Ellie triumphantly.

"You tricked me!"

"No shit, Sherlock," Ellie retorted. "So you're having doubts."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing but it's just niggling me," said Ryan. "We've only been together for… ten months, and recently I've noticed annoying things about her I never saw before."

"I'm sure it's just pre-wedding nerves."

"That's the thing I'm not sure if it is," he said, getting up and pacing. "Little things are really starting to bug me now."

"Everyone has annoying habit, you have quite a few yourself," said Ellie. She was doing the right thing, she was going to convince him to marry Mandy because that was what he wanted. The fact that she was still in love with him didn't even matter because he loved Mandy and she couldn't take advantage of the fact that he was having a few doubts.

"I know," he said, running his hands through his hair. "But… I don't know. Your annoying habits didn't bother me all that much… you hogged the covers but it didn't make me angry, I just slept closer to you. But the other night Mandy was all tangled up in the sheets and I stormed out and slept on the couch."

"So buy bigger sheets."

"It isn't just that," said Ryan, exasperated that Ellie didn't automatically understand what he was going through. "She doesn't get along with Chris, he hates her."

"I know he told me."

"She doesn't like him either… she doesn't like my five year old son. She hates that I pay child support, she bitches about that all the time…"

"Well you do pay more than is legally…" Ellie interrupted.

"I'm not changing what I pay, it's fair," Ryan interrupted. "The fact is she resents me paying for my own son, and she bitches about the time I spend with him. She thinks in cuts into 'couple time'. I didn't know the boy for five years and what, she wants me to see him once a week. And she leaves lights on all the time, when no one is home and overnight. She uses foul language around Chris… she called you a money-grabbing, flabby, old whore…"

"She what?!" Ellie shouted. "Flabby?! Have I put on weight?!"

"No you look stunning," said Ryan, dismissing the idea that she was 'flabby'. "She was just freaked that day because Stu let it slip that you were a model in your teens." Stu was Ryan's younger brother.

"But flabby?" Ellie muttered.

"Can we please focus on my freak-out right now?"

"Fine, continue your rant."

"Thank you," he said. "Anyway where was I? Oh right, she goes on fad diets and as soon as I told her about Chris she wanted to have a baby, ovulation sticks and all… that's weird right? She whines to me when she has to suture in the pit or when some other intern gets to scrub in on one of my surgeries, she thinks she should get preferential treatment because we are together. She always moans that you treat her unfairly because you're jealous…"

"I treat her like I would any intern," Ellie interrupted.

"I know. The point is she doesn't realise that I am her boss and that you are her boss… she doesn't get that she is an intern, bottom of the surgical food chain."

"She thinks that because she gives you head that she should get ahead."

"Do you have to be crude?" Ryan snapped.

"Sorry," said Ellie meekly.

"Elle, I'm freaking out. The wedding is tomorrow," he sighed, flopping down next to her.

"Look, the only questions you have to ask yourself is: do you love her? Can you picture having a family with her and growing old together? And does the good outweigh the bad?"

"That simple?"

"That simple," said Ellie. "I'll tell you what my Dad told me one night when he was drunk: you'll know when you want to spend forever with someone, it will creep up on you when you least expect it and you'll know, it'll hit you like a bolt of lightning and you'll know that that person is the one. Tomorrow when you're standing at the altar and she comes down the aisle in her wedding dress, you won't be thinking about all her bad points, you'll just be thinking how perfect she looks and how happy you two will be. I'm not saying you won't fight and there won't be hard times, but think about all the good times, like when you have more kids or all the sex on your honeymoon. You are just nervous. Go home and get a good night's sleep, everything will be much better in the morning. Nerves are apparently normal."

"Right… okay, thanks," said Ryan, thinking about what she had just said. "I'll go home and sleep."

"Good and I'll see you tomorrow," said Ellie. "I'll bring Chris by around ten."

"Okay and you're coming to the wedding?"

"I'll be there," lied Ellie. She never had any intention of going to the wedding, she just hadn't said anything because she didn't want to start a fight, she would come up with an excuse in the morning.

"Okay… good," said Ryan. "I'll just go."

"Okay and calm down everything will be fine."

"Can I just ask you one thing?" said Ryan, standing in the open doorway. "Did I really hurt you?"

"You broke my heart," said Ellie honestly.

"I'm sorry."

"I forgave you."

* * *

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	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks again to all my reviewers - Seattlegrrl, gaaddict67, mcseriously, EscapismRocks, Nikki, lily212121**

**Chapter 30**

It was the morning of Ryan's wedding. Ellie was standing outside his apartment with Chris. She was mentally pulling herself together to face him, when he was about to marry someone else.

"Mummy, you have to ring the bell," said Chris, looking up at her.

"Right," said Ellie, still a little dazed. She pressed the doorbell and immediately heard footsteps. Seconds later, Ryan was standing in front of them in sweats.

"Daddy!" cried Chris. "Look Mummy brought a tux for _me_. I have to wear a tie, isn't that funny Daddy? Are ties sore and itchy?"

"A little," chucked Ryan, ruffling Chris' hair.

"Aw… do I have to wear it then?" said Chris, disappointed.

"For a little while," said Ellie, going inside. "Just until after the church bit okay?"

"Okay then, can I take it off?" he asked.

"Yeah you can," said Ryan, taking Chris' suit from Ellie.

"We did get the right day, didn't we?" said Ellie, looking round.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean aren't there meant to be people here? You know… family members, your best man, someone? And you're wearing sweats, where is your suit?" demanded Ellie.

"The family members and best man are on their way and my suit is hanging in the bedroom," said Ryan casually.

"Oh right, okay," said Ellie sheepishly.

"Daddy, do I get to ride in the big shiny car?" asked Chris, since he had heard someone talking about a limo.

"Yes you do, and you get to stand with me at the front of the church," said Ryan.

"Will lots of people be there?" asked Chris, a little less sure of himself.

"Quite a lot," said Ryan.

"But hey, don't worry about it," said Ellie, bending down to Chris' level. "Tilly, Special Granpa and Grammy will be there, so if you feel a little scared or anything just go and sit with them, okay?"

"Okay," said Chris.

"You're not coming?" said Ryan.

"Uh… no I'm not," said Ellie standing up. "I got called in… apparently there was an accident and they are already short staffed…" she trailed off when she saw that he didn't believe her for a second. Ryan reached out and cupped her cheek.

"You never had any intention of coming did you?" he asked sadly.

"No I didn't," said Ellie quietly. "It's just a little… weird for me to watch you get married. Sorry."

"It's okay, I understand."

If Ryan was honest with himself he wasn't feeling anymore sure he wanted to get married than he had last night. He was just hoping that when he saw Mandy coming down the aisle that everything would click into place, and that he would realise that all he felt for Ellie was affection because she was Chris' mother and his best friend. He was hoping beyond all hope that he did truly love Mandy and that he wasn't still in love with Ellie. Because being in love with Mandy would be so easy and simple. It was their wedding day and if he really loved her today was the start of his happily ever after. But if he was still in love with Ellie, it was messy and complicated and the fact that she had moved on and didn't love him anymore would be a real problem. So all he could do was hope that his heart did what his head was telling it.

"I should get back… my mum said she would bring Chris home later," said Ellie.

"Okay."

"Good luck," said Ellie. "I'll see you later, Chris."

"Bye Mummy," said Chris, who was occupied watching a cartoon. Just as Ellie was at the front door Chris called to her. "Mummy?"

"Yeah?"

"You know how Daddy is getting married?"

"Uh huh."

"Will he have babies with stinky Mandy?"

"Uh… yeah, he might," said Ellie uncertainly.

"Do I have to call her Mummy?"

"No, you don't," said Ryan.

"Will I have to sleep outside when I stay over when you have a baby, Daddy?"

"No of course you won't," said Ryan, bewildered as to where that had come from. "You'll have your own room."

"Promise."

"I promise," said Ryan, looking to Ellie to explain why he would think that.

"Okay then," said Chris, not sounding completely convinced.

"Baby, where would you get an idea like that?" said Ellie.

"Oh stinky Mandy said that when Daddy had a baby there wouldn't be space for me and that Mummy would be poor," said Chris, focusing his attention back on the cartoon.

"Yeah, the intern is a real treasure," muttered Ellie.

"I don't want you to worry about that," said Ryan, unable to look at Ellie. "I will never let any of that happen."

"Okay Daddy," said Chris, barely listening.

"Like I said good luck today," said Ellie in a tone that clearly said 'cause you're gonna need it.'

"I'm sorry," said Ryan. "I'll talk to her."

"Whatever," said Ellie. "Bye."

"Bye," said Ryan, but she was already gone.

* * *

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	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Ryan was standing at the altar as all the wedding took their seats, he saw Mark and Addison sit down and wave at Chris. Ryan's heart was pounding and his hands were sweating profusely. Pure panic was rising in his throat; he thought he was going to vomit. He couldn't do it, he couldn't get married. He had hoped that when he was standing there waiting for Mandy that everything would become clear, that he would realise he was just suffering from pre-wedding nerves but instead he just felt sheer terror. The only person he was thinking about was Ellie and she wasn't even there; he should be thinking about Mandy but he couldn't. He couldn't marry Mandy, he wasn't even in love with her anymore if he had ever truly been.

"Chris, go over to your Grammy and ask her to make sure you get back to your Mummy okay?" Ryan whispered, bending down to Chris' level.

"Why? I thought I was staying with you," said Chris innocently.

"I'm going to come and see you tonight, okay? Just please go to your Grammy," said Ryan. "We'll go to the zoo and get ice cream tomorrow."

"Okay," said Chris, running over to Addison.

Without saying another word, Ryan walked up the aisle and out of the church. Just as he walked down the steps outside he saw Mandy getting out her wedding car and it truly hit him what he was about to do to her.

"Ryan, what are you…" said Mandy. The smile fell off her face when she saw the look on his face. She knew before he had even said a word.

-------------------------------------------

"Come on Chris, eat your burger," sighed Ellie. Ever since Addison had dropped Chris off, he had been upset and difficult, as he wanted to see Ryan after all the upset at the wedding. Addison had stayed long enough to lecture Ellie and not get involved in the messy affair, she was just Chris' Mom and she had no responsibility to Ryan. So to try and appease Chris, Ellie had given in and got him a Happy Meal.

"No, I want Daddy," grumbled Chris.

"Well Daddy isn't here," sighed Ellie. "I'll try and call him again."

"Mummy, is Daddy gone?" asked Chris fearfully. "Is it back to just us again?"

"No, it's not," sighed Ellie, hanging up the phone when it went straight to Ryan's voicemail. "Daddy is just a little upset about what happened today."

"But is he coming back? He said we could go to the zoo tomorrow."

"I don't know Chris," sighed Ellie. "If he promised to take you to the zoo then he will."

"Mummy, did stinky Mandy take Daddy?"

"I don't know Chris," Ellie snapped. Just then the doorbell rang, she went to get it calling back over her shoulder. "Eat your burger and you can have ice cream."

"Oh hi," said Ellie. Ryan was standing the doorway, still wearing his wedding suit.

"Hi," said Ryan wearily. "I wanted to make sure Chris was alright."

"He isn't," snapped Ellie. "He is moody and difficult. I had to bribe him with McDonald's."

"I'm sorry," said Ryan. "Can I see him?"

"In the kitchen," said Ellie, letting him in.

----------------------------------------

"Fast asleep, poor little guy must have been exhausted," said Ryan. He just put Chris to bed, after reassuring him that Mandy was gone. Mandy had gone on their honeymoon with one of her bridesmaids, but she would be returning to Seattle Grace in a week.

"Yeah, he was," said Ellie, handing Ryan a beer which he gratefully took. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm an asshole," he said, taking a swig. "I walked out of the church… I couldn't even give her a proper explanation."

"Don't beat yourself up," said Ellie. "It could have been worse."

"How? How could it have been worse? I should have called it off last night… I didn't have to leave it so late," said Ryan. "It was unforgivable… and we still have to work together."

"It'll be okay," said Ellie, not sure how to comfort him. "She'll realise that it wasn't right and you did both of you a favor in the long run."

"Doesn't make it right…"

--------------------------------------------

"Where is my grandson?" demanded Kate Henderson. Ryan had stayed the night at Ellie's, in the guest room. He was woken in the morning by the sound of the doorbell.

"Mum… what are you doing here?" he asked sleepily.

"I came to see my grandson and to make sure you were still alive after you just walked out of the church… you couldn't have called your own mother," said Kate barging past Ryan. "I did my best with you… I thought we were close and then for you to…"

"I'm sorry Mum," groaned Ryan. He knew he should have expected her to show up.

"It's all very well saying that now," she huffed.

"I'm really sorry Mum, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say to you," said Ryan, knowing this would not be pretty.

"You didn't know what to say to your own mother?!" Kate screeched. "Oh but I bet you had plenty to say to Ellie or were words not exchanged? You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"And why is that, Kate?" said Ellie sharply. She had heard the door and came down to answer it but Ryan had gotten there before her. Ryan never did have a backbone when it came to his mother.

"Shacking up on his wedding night," said Kate.

"We didn't," said Ellie with a definite edge to her voice. "He came over to see Chris, he was upset about what happened at the church and then he spent the night in the guest room."

"Did you?"

"Yes," said Ryan, cowering a little. He was six feet tall and his mother was barely five but he still cowered in fear from her when she got mad at him, like he was still a little boy.

"Well at least that is something," said Kate. "What were you thinking, just walking out like that? Leaving Chris…"

"I left him with his grandmother," Ryan protested.

"Oh yes, his grandmother," said Kate accusingly. "But why not me? I would have brought him here, but no you gave him to _her_."

"I didn't think Mum," groaned Ryan.

"Mummy, I'm hungry," called Chris, running down the stairs.

"Alright," she called to him. "I'll make you breakfast."

"Why are Daddy and Grandma here?" asked Chris, puzzled.

"They are just talking," said Ellie, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen to let Ryan and Kate talk.

------------------------------------------

"Is she gone now?" asked Ellie, coming down the stairs.

"Yeah she just left," sighed Ryan.

"Look, I got a present," said Chris, holding up an army truck. "Uncle Luke is soldier fighting the bad people, Grandma told me."

"Yeah he is," said Ellie. "How was she?"

"Oh you know, I'm a disappointment and a male pig. She blames herself before ultimately blaming me again. Oh, and of course the fact that she found me here was another twenty minute rant," said Ryan.

"Your mother was always such a delight," muttered Ellie. "Although I didn't get yelled at."

"Oh no she just loves you, you gave her her first grandson and I did nothing."

"Yeah she likes me now but when we were together I stole her baby boy."

"My mother is a complicated woman."

"Yeah sure," laughed Ellie. "Anyway I have to go to the hospital and you promised a certain five-year-old a day at the zoo."

"Alright, I see you later."

* * *

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	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

A month had now passed since Ryan had run out on his and Mandy's wedding. He had moved back into his apartment, Mandy had moved out because technically Ryan owned it. Ryan was spending more and more time with Chris, he had even stayed the night at his apartment.

"So?" demanded Dylan as he and Ellie scrubbed out of a surgery.

"So what?" she said.

"So what have you done?"

"About what?" said Ellie who had no idea what he was talking about.

"I don't know. What have you done? You have your guilty face on," said Dylan as if he was talking to an idiot.

"My what?"

"Your guilty face when you've done something bad and you feel guilty."

"I know what my guilty face is," snapped Ellie.

"Well then why the guilty face?"

"None of your damn business!"

"Oooh you did something really bad didn't you?" teased Dylan.

"Shut up! I didn't do anything good or bad!"

"Sure you didn't," said Dylan rolling his eyes at her. "When you come out of denial come and find me, I want details of the sordid deed."

"There was no deed, no sordidness or deed," said Ellie a little too quickly and high pitched.

"Oh my mother of all that is sacred," gasped Dylan overly dramatic. "Who was it?"

"Nothing…no' one…I didn't do anything."

"Sure you didn't," laughed Dylan.

"Oh piss off will you?" snapped Ellie.

"I'm going," said Dylan leaving the scrub room.

----------------------------------------------------

"Shepherd I need an intern," Ryan called across a crowded ER.

"Alright Donnelly you're with Henderson," said Ellie trying to disperse her interns.

"But…" Mandy protested.

"Look I get that the situation is awkward and have tried to keep you out of his service for as long as I can, but enough is enough. You can't avoid cardio forever, you have the makings of a good cardio-thoracic surgeon," said Ellie trying to sound sensitive and caring, but it just came out like exasperation. "Anyway you should have thought of this before you got involved with a co-worker."

"But I thought we would be together forever…we were meant to be married," wailed Mandy tears spilling out of her eyes.

"Fine," sighed Ellie she could not deal with that today. "Go and get it together then go to plastics." Mandy nodded tearfully and ran towards the stairs.

"Ellie I need someone NOW!" shouted Ryan as his patient started to fit.

"Shepherd run a neuro check and MRI," Mark shouted spotting the patient fitting.

"I'm on it," called Ellie running over to the patient grabbing the chart and scanning it. "Alright we have to stop the fitting…try…"

"Done," said Ryan injecting the patient with the drug Ellie was just about to say. "We have to…"

"Smith call the OR and let them know we're coming!"

"Looks like we're still a good team," Ryan whispered suggestively into Ellie's ear as he passed.

"I guess," said Ellie trying to look anywhere but at him.

"We should probably talk later," he said quietly so that nobody could hear.

"About what?" said Ellie trying to pretend she had no idea what he was talking about.

"You want to play it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Fine you play dumb Elle," said Ryan sounding more amused than angry. "Let me know when you get bored of that."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't," he whispered into her ear then nibbled softly on her ear. "Like I said let me know when you get bored."

-----------------------------------------

"Hey do you want me to pick up Chris?" Ryan asked Ellie as they both left the hospital.

"No it's fine I'll do it," said Ellie getting her keys out of her bag. "But why don't you come over later?"

"Okay," said Ryan.

"When Chris is in bed."

"Why?"

"I guess I got bored," shrugged Ellie.


End file.
